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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: It's been almost 8 weeks since my boyfriend and I had a fight (lots of little things building up to him getting "upset" and no longer being even remotely affectionate.. kind of an unspoken breakup). He's behaved like a good friend ever since then.. except when I ask about the situation. He KNOWS I want to get back to normal, and tells me to "give it time" every time I ask. He also gets irritated by me trying to "push him into it before he's ready" when any question relating to the situation comes up. And yes, he may be right about me being too pushy or argumentative. He still likes to talk to me pretty often, and act like a close friend.. but what the hell is going on here? Is he deliberately giving me false hope through the friendly behavior and hinting that things will get back to normal if given enough time? Originally I would trust this guy with my life, and if he said things would be as they were if given enough time, I'd believe it. But 8 weeks is 8 weeks, and I'm not buying it anymore. If he was going to forgive me it seems logical that he'd have done it by now, even though he's a drama queen. Or have I just chased him away without intending to?I recently got some advice to do what he says and just give him time, so for about a week I've been completely ignoring him unless he contacts me first [which he's done twice and will probably do more once he's less tied up with things he has to do.. that I believe because it isn't just me he isn't talking to much]. But even if this works, it isn't going to take any small amount of time, and I'll still be stuck wondering if he just wants me as a friend or something else. Is that even worth it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, megs1985  +, writes (10 April 2009):
Hi there...I know it has been about a year since you posted, but I am going through the same thing right now. i feel like this is a guy thing the more I read...I wanted to know what happened in your situation? I am wondering if I should also leave him be for awhile. I have been fighting it for a month now and it isn't working...It is so hard to let them go when you love them though. Please let me know...thanks :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): I'm liking dearkelja's advice. Three weeks sounds good after all the damn fighting, maybe a fourth if I'm especially pissed off or otherwise have compromised judgement. The other one's out. Whether I cut contact or not, I'm not about to start manipulating the guy any more than I'd hit him over the head with a baseball bat (appealing as that idea does sometimes sound! *kidding*).
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 July 2008):
I would just carry on ignoring him. Don't return his calls or if you have to see him / speak to him then just be civil and polite.
Give another week or so if he is busy and then wait for him to ask you why you have disappeared. Tell him you want him as a boyfriend and if he can't be that then you can't have him as a friend as you will just get hurt. Tell him you need to start getting over him.
If he wants to get back he will fight against this. If he doesn't seem bothered then you really will have to cut contact and work on getting over him.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (18 July 2008):
 I can't say how pushy you've been with him but if he says you're too pushy then I agree with your friend's advice in giving it time. Enjoy the friendship for what it is for now. You asked how long. I would say 4 weeks of letting things be is good. You've already done a week of leaving him be. If he doesn't come around in 3 more then I think the two of you need to sit down and have a candid discussion about where this relationship is going.
If he is busy with lots of things going on then perhaps he really hasn't had time to analyze his feeling about the relationship. He does still care about you or he wouldn't be wanting to keep this friendship.
If he doesn't want to talk about things in 3 weeks then I think he is being unreasonable and unfair to your feelings. This "space" needs to work out for both of you. It can't all be on his terms. It may be that you will be the one who has to decide how the relationship is going to go (and remember, it takes two to have one) if he can't tell you what he wants to do. Maybe at the end of three weeks you'll be happy just to have him as a friend and you can move on to find a new boyfriend. Maybe you will not be able to handle the friendship "without a hope of reconcilliation".
Unfortunately, when people don't make decisions that affect us, we have to make them ourselves.
Take care.
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