A
male
age
41-50,
*ike29
writes:My wife and I have been married for 7 years, but been together since we were teens. Only been with each other. She is very conservative and not at all into cheating ever. Very honest and pure. A Christian. Recently, she started playing an online game that requires u to chat with people. Long story short, she started chatting regularly with one particular man. I didnt say anything about it at first. Slowly she started spending more time on there and even missing dinner to keep talking to him. It all seems so innocent, but doesnt feel right. So recently against my better judgement, because i didnt want to be guilty of snooping, i looked at one of her recent conversations with him, and it wasn't good. he was saying things like, "i like knowing that u will be thinking about me this evening" referring to when shes with me. One point she said she was "upstairs online with him, im sure his girlfriend wouldn't like that". I approached her about it, and she said it was just joking around. All in fun, nothing bad. Am I overreacting? Am I wrong? Shes says she will quit only if I ask her too, but then she makes me feel guilty like I am wrong to ask her too. What do u think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): mike this is the one thing you are going to regret for the rest of your life. by pacifying your wife (being weak really) and allowing her to continue with this man online you just allowed a third party into your home, your life, your bed. this affair is going to destrpy your home. the good so called christian wife knows exactly what she is doing and you are too timid to be strong. stop hiding behind religion and tell her to stop being a hypocrite. you have just signed away your life!
A
male
reader, mike29 +, writes (11 November 2009):
mike29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much to you all for all your imput. I really appreciate it. we have talked about it alot, and she just keeps saying it just a friend and it is just clean fun nothing is bad. She doest see or understand how it could ever become anything. She says she will continue talking with him, and just make sure the conversations dont take bad turns and just stay normal. Like the one comment says, its about trust i guess. So i dont know what will happen, i guess wait and see. thanks again for all your imput.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): you are not over reacting
she is testingthe waters, she knows what is happening. they are all lovey dovey and soon will be webcaming/ tlephone calss/meeting up
christain or no christian, she is a cheat and she knows it. if she down plays her "romance" haul out the BIBLE and ask her to quote any reference to justify her actions.
no matter what she says, do not be a fool and allow her to continue. she has to choose - YOU OR HIM. simple.
i am so glad you nipped this. do not let up. she needs to finish with him . NOW
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Well from what you have wrote I would be inclined to say you have to trust her to "do the right thing." This involves how you feel. You can either be comfortable with her having her fun or you can ask her to stop to make you feel better. Either one involves someone sacrificing something.Being a gamer myself, however, I have seen a very wide spectrum of behaviour on this. Some women and men act out in games in ways they wouldn't normally do IRL. Why? Its a form of escapism. They can be whom ever they wish to be like fantasy will allow and because its fantasy they figure nothing will actually come of it and nothing should be taken seriously. Lots of people I know do flirt online with a grain of salt, but it gives them a huge ego boost. They have IRL partners and wouldn't dream of leaving them or be with other people.However people dont realise that the friends you make online do gradually become actual friends if allowed to. People exchange phone numbers and what not. I myself have a list of numbers of men and women I thought were awesome people and truely wanted to be friends outside the game too. One happens to be my now husband. In games you will always get "pair ups" and I dont know why but the pair ups that last the longest and form the quickest are the male female ones. Some are very platonic while others are a full on emotional affair.And then there is the other side of the spectrum. The people who actually leave their IRL partners for emotional affairs they have been having. It does happen. I have seen it happen atleast three times in one particular game I play. "Warning signs" are as follows1. Hidding Text boxes from you when you pop into the room2. Scared when you walk into a room3. High End Excessive Gift Giving(Usually items of high value and or hard to get in the game)4.Talking for ages on MSN/phone(Just look at the phone bill. You dont have to look at her phone)5. Possesive behaviour of her computer.(She wont want you on it due to certain material)Anything else can be misconstrued. Why? Because some women flirt to get items. Yes.. the power of knowing there is an actual female playing an avatar sends the nerds nuts. A sign that her bahiour is harmless fun is if she doesn't hide anything and allows you to read anything and doesn't hide her text boxes without hesitation.All in all its down to trust. You either do or you dont. What she does is then up to her.HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Absolutely that's why I'd tell her to knock it off.
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A
male
reader, mike29 +, writes (10 November 2009):
mike29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks tux......is it possible for someone who is honestly just wanting fun, to slowly grow into something more online?
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A
male
reader, mike29 +, writes (10 November 2009):
mike29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks tux......is it possible for someone who is honestly just wanting fun, to slowly grow into something more online?
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A
male
reader, mike29 +, writes (10 November 2009):
mike29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks eyeswideopen. I appreciate your imput. this whole thing has made me sick!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (10 November 2009):
 a lot of times people will detach from their normal lives for their virtual self, but that does not justify performing what is emotional cheating in their real life even if it is in jest in their virtual versions of themselves. i think you just need to sit down with her and tell her that you believe her actions in the virtual world may be hurting or that you are afraid that it will hurt the relationship she is in in the real life. it is on her shoulders to stop, having you to force her stop is only putting the blame on you. she needs to stop on her own accord, not just because you told her to.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 November 2009):
You are not over-reacting. Tell her to knock off this nonsense. She is behaving very foolishly.
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