A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if throwing someone on the floor, or pulling them by the hair, or putting your hand over their mouth so they can't breathe, or even pushing your head against theirs so it feels like their nose will break is as bad as slapping or punching them? Thank you for responses. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy school cant help its $10,000 for a dorm and my dad would love if I moved home the problem with that is school. My dad lives in another city that is about two hours away from my school and the road that i would have to drive is very dangerous.
I do love my boyfriend I got with him when i was 15 and he is the only man that i have ever known. I am 19 now and things have been bad for two years and we want very different relationships. He wants to be able to leave when he wants and come home whenever he wants and I want a man who wants to spend most of his time with me and at the end of the day comes home has dinner with me and curls up to spend time in bed. Thats not what he wants and i spent two years waiting for him to grow up while I spent many nights alone and in tears. I finally realize that he wont change and that I deserve better. While I would miss him if i stay nothing will change and if he wants to grow up and let me see that he has really changed I might go back one day but the honest reason I haven't left is money. I have tried working full time and going to school full time and I spent ten weeks really sick from stress and lack of sleep until I quit my job. I can get a part time job but at the end of the day it wont pay all the bills. I looked into roommating but that is more expensive than renting my own studio. I just feel really stuck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Aunts and Uncles, thank you for giving this lovely lady all your support. We all know what she SHOULD DO, but she's told us what's happened and that is a very large step. Lets all be realistic, we want to protect her and we want her to run away and never go back, but she can't do it right now. She's explained some of her reasons. She's at college, she needs money, she doesn't feel she can go right now, and that is understandable.
You've got family and friends, and they couldn't bear to see you in pain. We all know they love you, and they haven't left you. They just want to hear from you, they want you to leave and they are dying to see you. They want you back home.
Can you phone your parents and friends. Christmas is coming up. Just phone them and have a talk, and maybe go stay with your family for Christmas and have a wonderful time. We can work on leaving in the new year. For now, can you just make contact and start talking to your friends and family again. If they mention your boyfriend, well just say that you really don't want to waste your time talking about him, you just miss them and you wanted to see them. How about that babes, can you just try to repair your relationship with the people that care about you? We all know they miss you very much?
Do you love him, after all this is it only the money that makes you stay or do you still have feelings for him? If it's only the money making you stay, then your family will definitely take you back and help you. You can move back and start college again. Your still young, you have plenty of time. It would be financially easier if you was at home going to college and then you would have enough money and enough space to study comfortably. It's difficult to do well in school whilst your going through all of this.
Dose your college know what is going on. Maybe if you speak to the college counsellor's they can help you out with some funding and somewhere else to live. Have you ever considered that?
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A
female
reader, wonderlove19  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 Of course this is as bad as slapping and punching. Too many women suffer domestic abuse in a society thats supposed to be a smart and more educated one. Any form of abuse, anything your partner may do without your consent is unacceptable. Trust me there are many decent guys out there that will treat you with respect and love. Unfortunately this man is not the guy. Be strong. Dont let any man treat you that way, no matter your circumstance.
Good Luck. My heart goes out to you xxxx
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 YES!!!! Get out now before he kills you! Many abused women worse off financially than you have managed to start their lives over again after leaving their abusive spouses. Please, get out now!
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 Leave him and do it now! Women die from this kind of abuse yeah he is not hitting you now but give it time and he will.
Dont believe him if he says he loves you or he will change he doesnt love you and he will NEVER change, leave before you end up seriously hurt or worse dead!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy friends and family know and thats why they dont have anything to do with me anymore because I haven't left him. I wasn't ready when it started and now i feel financially stuck because I cant afford to live on my own because I go to college and i have to go full time to get my financial aid but its not enough to live on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Where are your parents, your friends, your family? Do they know about the way he is treating you? Don't keep this a secret, you really must tell someone. He dose this because nobody knows how he is treating you. You must tell somebody what is happening and leave this wicked guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): "he says at least he doesn't hit me".... (abused young girl)
He will hit you one day - Leave immediately and never come back.
People who abuse will never admit they are wrong, that's another type of abuse, why should you be grateful that he is pulling you by your hair? Please read those links, I provided. You need to leave cause he will hurt you badly one day....
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Yes it is, so stop it at once.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason i asked was my boyfriend will do all the before mentioned thing but he says at least he doesn't hit me. He says that those things aren't nearly as bad as if he punched or slapped me but i feel they are just as bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): These are all abuse, and if somebody is treating you like this, it will get worse and eventually they will start hitting and kicking you, you need to get out of this relationship right now. Don't walk, RUN AWAY VERY FAST...
http://www.apa.org/pi/cyf/teen.pdf
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Types/faces.htm
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): YES!!!! They are all forms of abuse and if you are being treated like this please talk to someone you can trust. It worries me you have to ask if this is abuse. No one ever has the right to hurt you in any way. No exceptions. Never put up with abuse.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 Yes. Maybe worse as the actions you describe require more sustained malevolence than a slap which might come out of no where and be regretted immediately.
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female
reader, Twilight#1 +, writes (10 December 2008):
 OF COURSE!!! Any form of physically hurt is ABUSE!!! Pinching, pushing, raising of the hand to scare you, ANYTHING!!!! Its abuse!!! and not your fault! Get out of the situation... ABUSE only escalates.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Ummm? Yeah! why do u ask?
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male
reader, faithfulboy910 +, writes (10 December 2008):
Any way that harms a women is abuse. I don't care if it's someone you love, it's still abuse. And I don't tolerate abusers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): I think you probably know the answer to that...any guy who puts his hands on you in a rough way is abusing you.Whether he actually punches you or slaps you doesnt matter...its abuse.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Its far worse than slaping and punching.
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female
reader, crazybusymom +, writes (10 December 2008):
Yes, that is abuse!!! get out of it NOW!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): harming someone excessivly in any sort of way, be it emotional or physical, is a form of abuse
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female
reader, To_Di_Always +, writes (10 December 2008):
Yes it is just as bad.
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