A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been friends with this guy for about a year. We used to work together. And it's really only been just that...friends. Throughout our friendship I let him know I was interested in him and he told me on a couple different occasions that he really likes hanging out with me and just wants to be friends.(background info on him: he is a single guy loving the single life, I know he enjoys having his cake and eating it too, he has told me about girls he has hooked up with. He is a bit of a player, but never tried making a move on me at all in the last year we have been friends, as a matter of fact he said he had too much respect for me to ruin our friendship.) So I dropped it at the risk of losing him as a friend. One of the last times we hung out though the sexual tension was sky high. Hugging, holding hands, staring into each other's eyes. He even admitted to me at the end of the night he battled not kissing me. At risk of ruining our friendship (same excuse once again). Then I found a new job (one with better pay) our friendship kind of fizzled out a little bit, but kept in touch via text and fb. During that time I also had a lot of life changing experiences happen (some not so positive). So every time we tried to make plans they just fell through mainly on my end. We finally got to hang out last night. Just the two of us as normal. Hanging out at his lake house. Now the funny part about our friendship is we have always been very close like cuddling, hugging. And last night we did our normal cuddling and gazing at the stars deal. Nothing out of the norm from before. Except last night while we were doing that he kind of sat up and started talking about "us" and here's what he said. He told me that he doesn't want to hurt me, that how he has been treating women is wrong and he doesn't want me to be just one of those women. That he knows how much I have been hurt in the past (from stories I have told him) and he said that it's really bothering him because he doesn't want to hurt me or lose me as a friend but REALLY likes me and needed me to know that. He said he wished he never got to know me and become so close to me because in a way it would be much easier to satisfy his sexual need. That I really am like no other girl/woman he has ever talked to. That I'm sweet, caring, and he connects with me so well. And he puts me above these other women and respects me and that is why he has never tried anything with me during our friendship and as a matter of fact denied me, he knows that I was interested in taking it to the next level but wouldn't budge. So I told him his actions with those other women are choices he made, and that doesn't make him a bad person. So nothing happened and we just continued to look at the stars. Then the end of the night was coming and we were getting ready to leave and cleaning up and he grabbed me and kissed me. And this went on for like 15min. A full blownout makeout session. And it was awesome. It didn't go any further than that because honestly he didn't try, and I knew that being a guy if he had tried I would have stopped him any way. Once we got that out of our systems we continued to clean up and leave. As we were walking to the car he held my hand, stopped and hugged me (for like 2min)in the middle of our walk, but didn't try kissing me or making moves. He just hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. We got to the car and took our 20min drive home as usual. We just talked and nothing seemed different or weird on the way home. We laughed, joked etc... then he dropped me off. Got out of his car (like always) and walked me to my car door. And then where we would usually just hug at this point, he pulled me in for one last kiss goodnight... So now I'm all confused. Because I know his history, but I also hear what he told me about how he feels about me. And to be quite honest if he just wanted to get laid he would have done it with me a long time ago instead of keep denying me 2 or more times when I tried making the move. But I don't want to pressure him and push him away, but GODDDDD I waited so long for this... I also don't want to get hurt (by some chance he is just playing me). I need to know if this is all just part of his plan to sleep with me and leave, or if he really does have feelings for me and is battling with himself. HELP!!!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 There is no way he is just wanting a one night stand with you, that much is clear, if that was what he wanted then he would not have stayed friends with you for so long. It sounds to me like he really does have feelings for you, but it is almost like he does not trust himself to change. He wants you but he does not want to hurt you either and its like he is almost scared that he will hurt you as he just cant help it. It's almost like he loves his bachelor lifestyle to much. It is a tough one to guide you on, but I guess you should really just go with your gut instinct on this one.
A
female
reader, LonesomeButterfly +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Okay! First time answering this kind of stuff; so bare with me.
*Ahem*
Personally; I don't think he is trying to play you. It sounds like he truly is having a conflict with himself. You could try and do things; depends how you are.
Kay, in my opinion, I think after the whole kissing thing - maybe it could be a good time to try and ask him out on a date? Considerate it as an experiment to see how the chemistry is between you two on the next level. If it doesn't work it, you had fun and just treasure that passionate moment you had and finally; the best thing to do, is sit down together, no distractions and just express each others feelings, talk about possibilities together. This is where you can truly open up to him and let him know how you feel.
In these emotional situations; it's always best to get everything out on the floor and just talk about it. Ask like; what made him want to kiss you, and what changed and etc...
But the most important thing is your feelings; do what -you- think is right when you express yourself; and if he's finally willing to give it a chance, then that's awesome!
Hope everything works out, and hopefully my answer was.. uh.. helpful~?
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