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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am in a long distance relationship with someone who lives in a different country to me. We met online, and haven’t yet met each other. We have been talking for about a year now, and we get on well. We have feelings for each other, and have made it “official” that we are in a relationship with each other.The thing is, I am starting to doubt if we will ever meet. I know there is the chance that we might meet and have no connection in person whatsoever. We won’t know unless we try. Last year he started talking about us meeting, so I went and got a passport, just incase. But nothing has happened. Every so often, he brings the subject up again, and asks me when we will be meeting one another, but when I start talking about it he suddenly drops the subject, and doesn’t mention it again for a while.This has been going on for a while now, and I am starting to accept that this may be it. This may be the relationship. Maybe we will simply have an online relationship, as he does not seem to want to meet. I guess I am sort of okay at that idea, as I do like having contact with him and I feel love for him. But another part of me feels sad, because I would like more from a relationship. I would like something real, someone I can see and speak to and hold. I feel like I am missing out on something. I am not sure what to do, whether to just give things more time and be patient, or whether to accept the fact that this is it, and we will never have anything more. And if this is how it is to be...I am not sure how I feel about that. Like, maybe I should be grateful and happy for what I have with this guy, and stop longing for more. I don’t want to be with anyone else, but to be perfectly honest I still feel single. I don’t feel like I am “in a relationship”. I feel single. Sometimes it feels like the relationship isn’t even real. And it is confusing. I hope that makes sense. I guess I am just looking for some different perspectives on this. Thank you in advance for any input on this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to say thank you for responding to my question, and for giving your honest opinion. It is difficult for me to talk to my family and friends about this, because they worry they will say something that will upset me. When really, I just want them to be truthful. So thank you, and you have given me some things to think about.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 I am not being judgemental here,just perplexed..
I really have a hard time understanding exactly what people mean when they say they have an on -line " relationship " with someone they have never met.
I have exchanged Private Messages with some of Dear Cupid aunts and uncles- does it mean I am in multiple ( and for the most part,homosexual ,then ) relationships ? I think
that if I would ask them to exchange e-mails daily just for company,they would accept-would that be a relationship ?..
No ,you will answer me, because the excnange is not sexual or romantic, you don't talk about love or feelings...
Oh that. Look ,OP :
" Dear X, I love you so much. I am thinking about you all the time. I dream about you, I feel we are soul mates, I want to be with you for the rest of my life "
See how easy it was ?- 2 seconds, and I am smoking a sigarette and drinking coffee at the same time. With my TV on.
My point is - with very rare exceptions ( because after all ,never say never ) on line relationships are just fantasy,illusion,day dreaming. An escape from reality, or a comfort blanket for loneliness.
A relationship is when you KNOW them,warts and all. You don't even know the smell of this guy 's skin-it may be that it would turn you off in person. You don't know his friends or parents, would you fit in with them, would you get along ?. And how does he talk,how does he walk ,how does he eat?....
From online interaction, you can just know what a person thinks ( and only the part the he wants to let you know, too ). But relationships are not about thinking, are about
living. In real ,everyday life.
So,of course you don't feel like you are in a real relationship- you are not.Of course you feel you are missing out on something. You are.
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