A
female
age
,
*lliebella
writes:I Have been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now, 4 or 5 times a week and we mostly enjoy ourselves, we phone every night,we have a good sex life and share all or interests. There are problems that prevent us from taking our relationship a step further and they seem to be sound reasons, but they could just be excuses on his part. I need to know if this is a relationship worth persuing or if I am just going to remain a girlfriend for as long as I am prepared to continue.Problems, my special needs son who is due to go into care f/t this September, my 16 year old son who is not very friendly to my boyfriend,we are both unemployed, my boyfriend has a daughter of 11, he says she is too young to have this happen, she lives with her mother and stepfather. They were seperated 6 years ago, my ex died 4 years ago. I rent my house, he ownes half of his and intends leaving it to his daughter. My boyfriend admitted to being a secret cross dresser and He may have aspburger syndrome as he seem lacking inemotion sometimes and dose not understand some things easily. I am 55 and he is 50 neither of us has been married before. I feel under vauled and although we sometimes touch on the subject of living together no plans emerge and he says he dose not plan but lets life resolve the issues. He is thinking of getting himself a smaller house soon. He says we can be together when my boys have left home. Do I stay for years?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 July 2007):
 Your question is whether you should stay with this guy for years until you can live with your boyfriend. You describe the problems you have to commit to a higher level so far. On this basis, I think it's actually very hard to answer whether you should leave or stay.
You and your boyfriend have several serious problems, the first one being unemployment. I don't think he could really commit to you in this situation. He might, but he would lack the means to deliver. Then, the problems are not only from one side; you have your share of issues yourself. I find it hard to say whether you should leave or stay because both are perfectly valid options. If you think this is too much, well, leave. If you think you can stay the course, WORKING towards solving all the issues, you may have a good future. The difference is in whether YOU think you two can work something out, working very hard, shoulder to shoulder, of not.
I think you should think very carefully what you expect from the relationship and what you are willing to bring into it.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I do not agree with the answer that I just read, obviously you are looking for more of a commitment. You need to express this to your significant other. I do not think it is a good idea to settle for whatever he is willing to give you, but you do not need to force him into marrying you either. Just sit down and have a serious talk with him to find out were he stands on taking your relationship to another level.
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A
female
reader, Luvdanc +, writes (19 July 2007):
It's nice that you have a good relationship with all that's involved. My question to you is why change it? Is it because you want to get married? You had an ex but you weren't married to him, right? I see getting married or even living together would be adding to all the issues both of you already have. I say so far if it's not broken, why fix it? Why not just enjoy it for what it is and hope it does last for years. At that time some of the issues will be gone and both of you can decide if it would be beneficial to merge households. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): i think he should have a nice talk with your son ,that would make everything easier
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