A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry about this being so long. I honestly didn't realize I went on this long rant until I was finished. Anyways, I hope you have the patience...My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now (January 1, 2010 will be our one-year). Anyways, his best friend (whom happens to be a female) is over for the holidays from her third tour in England. She's been in the Air Force for three years and eight months now and has four months left. She's also been going to school through the Air Force so she'll have her Bachelor's in Pre-Medicine when she gets out.Anyways, my boyfriend and I met a year and three months ago in a History class we shared in our junior year of university and we hit it off pretty well. I've met his parents and his older brother and younger sister and tried making friends with them all. They actually didn't seem to take to me all that well and I felt like they were comparing me to my boyfriend's best friend.Also, I've noticed a lot of "changes" in my boyfriend since his best friend's been home. She's here for only four more days after a two-week stay and then goes back to England for the next four months where she will be Honorably Discharged. Since she's been home, I've met her as well. She's an extremely nice woman and very intelligent as well. She likes things very orderly and I think she has OCD, but that could be the Air Force putting her through all that.My bf and I've recently had lunch with her and I felt really... out of place. They were talking about the "good old days of elementary school all the way to high school" and sharing a ridiculous amount of inside jokes. My bf seemed much more alive with her and a lot more fun and able to carry on an intelligent conversation whereas with me, most of the time, he just doesn't care.I talked to him about this (non-accusatory, of course!) and he told me it's because he hadn't seen her in almost a year and they've been best friends since the third grade. I told him that I felt like I was just sitting there listening to a conversation between the real couple. He told me to stop being ridiculous.Well, I went on a little scavenger hunt and of course now I feel extremely bad about it, but I had to know what was going on. If they had a past together, if there were still hidden feelings beneath the surface, basically what happened to them before my boyfriend and I met.I found some sort of interesting and slightly hurtful stuff in his email and his recent text messages. They never did date but at one point, my boyfriend confessed to her his feelings. She reciprocated but she was already enlisted in the Air Force and had already left for England two weeks before that conversation via email.I want to confront my boyfriend about this but I don't want him getting the wrong idea that I'm being this super jealous girlfriend wanting to know who the hell his best friend is and why she won't leave us alone. Because that's not the case. I like his best friend, a lot. She seems like a very orderly and intelligent woman who knows her boundaries and I've been very cool with them hanging out by themselves a lot these past couple weeks. They rarely see each other, you know?But at the same time, I just can't trust them together. I really don't know how to explain this but in four months, when she's home for good and going to Medical school to finish her PhD in Medicine, I'll want to transfer to New York University to work on my PhD in English so I can ultimately work at NYU as an English professor. My boyfriend wants to stay and go to a university two hours from his best friend to work on his own PhD in Engineering. And we're already falling apart.So all in all, is my relationship a lost cause? Should I give up now and save myself a few month's heartache? Or should I tell the best friend to back off?
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best friend, discharge, jealous, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ladyntaos +, writes (29 December 2009):
girl give it up, you should not have to feel like you are competing in any kind of way they have a bond and it is not soon to break and if there is distrust there wont work anyway
A
female
reader, haileyfrost  +, writes (29 December 2009):
i would talk to your boyfriend first and tell him exactly what you feel, if he cares as much for you as he says he should be willing to do anything for you to make you happy, he should make you feel like your the only girl he wants, but then in the other hand, you should also give him the trust like you have of letting them hang out them two and catch up, because its not very often you get to keep a bestfriend from grade 3 right? so maybe talk to him about it and see if you can meet half way? but idk im only 15.
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