| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi there! I'm pretty confused about my current situation and am hoping some of you can shed some light on it... So here goes.About a year ago I was at a social event from work and saw this gorgeous girl - I'm a girl as well, by the way - constantly looking at me. I went over to talk to her and we kinda hit it off, we talked all evening and left the event together. From then on, we started to email regularly. Initially we would sometimes exchange about 40 messages a day, but we could also go a week or two without talking at all. After a few months we started messaging more frequently, exchanged phone numbers and continued to text. Since about seven or eight months, we've actually been texting every single day with only a few exceptions. More often than not we talk throughout the entire day. We also started seeing each other more often in real life, outside of work, every now and then, and when we're in a group setting, she generally mostly plays attention to me and sticks to me - but I don't get to see her as much as I'd like to or as much as you'd expect of people who have an interest in each other romantically. I have a few takes on why that would be, as there are a couple of factors playing in that make things a lot more difficult. - One, we're working at the same place - although there's thousands of people working there and we don't see each other at work unless we actually plan to, which we sometimes do. Grab a coffee or lunch, for example, and spend an hour or so together. This is more of an effort for her than it is for me, as I'm far more flexible. I know she's hesitated our contact in the beginning because of this and actually said she 'crossed boundaries' with it (her own boundaries, though, we didn't cross any boundaries legally or morally) but liked it enough to continue with it.- Two, she's a couple of years older than me and initially really had to get used to the idea that she was actually interested in talking to me, she told me. I've always been more comfortable around people older than me and have developed (normal) friendships with people much older than me, but have never had a relationship with anyone more than 3 years older than me either. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in her social circle that's "much" younger than she is.- Three, I found out along the way that she's never had any experience with girls and I'm also inclined to believe she never really considered the option before. However, she mentioned nothing about it being impossible in the future, but back when the topic came up I didn't have the guts to ask explicitly. This makes it difficult for me to make a move, because I'm not sure if she's sure she wants me to, if that makes sense...- Last, right when we started to text a lot I had to be abroad for a work project for a couple of months. We continued talking daily while I was gone, but we had no opportunity to see each other. Before I left she said she'd miss me and I saw her pretty soon after I got back but it didn't speed things up.I don't know how to interpret what we're doing. The thing is, she's the only person I talk to this much, I have a lot of friends but feel no need to talk to them every day all day - but with her I do. When I see her, it also does not feel like it does with my friends, it's never just 'going for dinner' or 'grabbing a coffee', it's planned out and careful, in the sense that we think of where to go beforehand and actually make an effort, it's not just casual. Sometimes she cancels really last minute and does not propose another time to postpone it to, which is a bad sign, but then she unexpectedly invites me to do something a few days after or comes by out of the blue. Our messages were never obviously flirting, although I would say there was some room for interpretation on several occasions. I know there's no one else at work she has this kind of relationship with, I'm the only one. Sometimes I think she's just incredibly confused about what's going on and whether she's ok with it or not, and my waiting attitude might then not be helpful. I've been respecting the speed at which this has been moving, but I do feel the need to find out what's going on so I can either make a move or move on. I mean I've liked her since day one, but the fact that things move so slow and it's so unclear WHAT those things are supposed to mean, have made me insecure and wondering if it's worth the trouble, if I can ever get this to where I wanted it to be. I've been trying to be more upfront about things lately, but I'm to sure if it's actually making a difference. I'm just wondering if someone can give me their take on this situation - am I making it into 'something' it's not in my head and is this just a strong friendship, or could it really be that my intuition is right and she's confused, from what I've described?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2014): Your guess is as good as ours... Really! I honestly think she could be confused OR a bit oblivious to what's going on n a really social person, as in doesn't realise she may be leading you on, if she's the sort of person that likes to talk to her friends every day, she may just be very social.Honestly, you're just going to have to put stronger feelers out I.e. More obvious flirting, not crossing big boundaries but maybe put your hand on her lower back, be more touchy feely, and arrange more intimate activities, like dinner at a nice restaurant, just you two, go the extra mile for her, do her extra favours, look into her eyes. She'll eventually get the hint...Obviously whether you're falling for her or not, you have to be prepared that she may not return your feelings... Don't rush things but see if she's responsive... If not so much then tome things downs and be friends for a while- and if you find you CANT just be friends, tell her straight out how you feel because what have you got to lose? Take care, provide an update :)
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