A
female
age
30-35,
*orrytoomuch
writes:My boyfriend and I just recently broke up... or took a break... or something in between? We were together for 2 years. well recently things had become really bad with fighting and crap so we decided to like not talk for a week to sorta clear our minds. He recently (exactly the time our problems started) reunited with a group of his guy friends from high school and he started doing things he'd never done ever in our whole relationship, nothing bad but he'd go skating with them and he never skated EVER? (well maybe when he was like in the 6th grade but not anything big) which I thought was weird because he suddenly became so in love with skating and for 2 years he made fun of skaters? basically he started acting like a different person after he hung around his old friends.We took the week and we said we would contact each other on a specific day and he never did. Then the day after we were supposed to contact each other, I went ahead and called him. In that conversation he told me that he thinks we needed a real break and that he feels that we're both unhappy and he's afraid he's not the guy I want to be with in the long run. Some background information - he's really behind at his community college and his plan was to come to the university I'm at, but now he's not going to and is just gonna stick with an associates. His plans are to take a big promotion at his current job and go from there. At first I was really mad about that decision and made it obvious to him so this is what he means by his feeling of him not being what I want. It was a long conversation and he told me he really wants and thinks we'll get back together but that we need to do this for us. He called me baby and said I love you... more than once and I' really stressed that he thinks we'll get back together.. he'd say things like: "when we get back otgether" or "I want us to get back together". He said that a a couple of weeks.. months.. or years.. of being apart to make sure it's right.. is a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness. We were talking about other couples who've gotten back together and he said that he promised to make our love story a good one. We ended the conversation on a very good note and it was okay. THEN... we talked the next two days because I was really upset and wanted to talk to him. He always told me he loved me in those convos and always called me baby. He insisited on me calling him whenever I needed him and we agreed on meeting up this weekend to say a sort of goodbye... and talk. He wanted to do this... so did I, but he mentioned it first. Last Thursday I told him to contact me and we'll set up a time. Well now it's Saturday and I haven't heard from him at all. I'm not sure if this was just his way of breaking up and letting me down easy or if he's just seriously needing to make sure we're supposed to be together. In the break conversation he told me that he's afraid I'm just settling with him and fears he's just my security blanket. He also said he feels I deserve better and the only way to know if we're right for each other is to take time apart and experience others to be 100% (since we're both young and this has been our longest relationhip). He kept saying that he wanted to hang out with me occasionally during this break and still talk.. but we were supposed to see each other this weekend since I'm in town and he hasn't contacted me. He's been such a great boyfriend. I've never been with anyone who cared about me so much and who only wanted my happiness. All of my friends always talked about how good of a guy he was and awed at how much he wanted to make me happy. I know he cares about me but I'm just afraid that maybe he's been trying so hard to be the person I wanted him to be and now that he's around his friends more he feels happy and can be himself more. When we were together we both only hung out with each other and a lot. We would hang out every day (not when I moved to my university but every chance we could) and even after we hung out in an evening, he would call me when he got home to just talk and say goodnight. Anyways, I'm sorry this is so long but I needed to sort of address all the issues. He's made many comments like "I can see you and me together forever and that really scares me". I could never understand why that would scare him but during our break convo he said that he's afriad of growing up and knows that he'd have to get serious about his future with me and that that just scares him and he also said that when we get back together he wants to be for good and we'd have no more breaks. SO my question is: is there a chance of us getting back together? or, do you think that he'll just be happy with his friends and forget about me? I know we needed this break but I'm so scared that I'm losing him or that he's going to realize he doesn't love me. I'm just scared.When I asked him if he would date others in the break he said he wasn't going to be too concerned with that but instead just working on his promotion and just spending time with his friends but he just stressed that he wanted ME to date others to see if he's what I want/makes me happy.I'm just so confused because when we talk he truly acts as if he still loves me and wants to get back together but when we don't talk (which I know is the point of the whole break) I feel really scared... especially when we talked about talking and hanging out on a specific weekend and I never hear anything from him. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, worrytoomuch +, writes (17 April 2009):
worrytoomuch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your reply. I know my question is long so I appreciate that you read an took the time to answer :).
What you said makes a lot of sense. I hope you are right about everything. We still haven't been in contact and it's now been 2 weeks since we have. I know this is a break but I just have a lot of doubts because I feel like he should have contacted me when he said he would to plan our hang out. I understand that maybe hanging out would have not been very beneficial to a real break so I get that. However, I just thought he should have at least contacted me to say that.
He's now working 55+ hour weeks so I know it's probably easier for him to get his mind off things. I'm just afraid he won't even miss me and we'll grow further apart by this break and I'll still be hoping for him to contact me.
My friends tell me to continue to not contact him and focus on other things so this will give him a chance to miss me. They think that if I contact him it may just push him away more or that since I'd be the one contacting that he'd not be the one missing me yet. I just hope he DOES want to contact me. I feel scared about that, but then I think that being with someome for 2 years and being so in love and so caring will mean he will have to miss me eventually... after more space. I just hope that miss is big enough to act on.
But yes, thanks for your help! :)
A
female
reader, sueannstep +, writes (17 April 2009):
 I am not sure what the story is to date, but if you still haven't heard from him... I would just focus on myself, especially if he has encouraged you to see other people. It sounds like he really cares about you. He may just be going through a rough time and needs to clear his head and change things up a bit. Maybe, once the both of you have had time apart you will each have some sort of basis for comparison, you know, a little more life experience (other relationships, new friends, jobs) to see that each of you is what the other really wants. Seriously though, it seems like he is trying to focus on himself, which isn't a bad thing, so take this opportunity to do the same and try not to worry about him. You should be your top priority right now.
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