A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a long time female friend. We went through all through school together. We hadn't seen each other in over 30 years, until about 5 years ago. We meet for coffee once in a while. She's married, I'm separated. I asked her to set me up with her girlfriend who we also went to school with but I never knew back then. She thought we would be a good couple and promised to see what she could do. Well she hasn't done anything. We met for coffee last week and she dropped the bomb on me that she's planning to leave her husband as her marriage hasn't been good for many years now. She seemed a little flirty with me. I have never disrespected her or tried to start anything with her. I'm not really attracted to her romanticly, but she is a good friend. I realized driving home that she may have become attracted to me and want's to end her marriage to be with me, but I'm not 100% sure. She's always complimented me on how I live and all I can do. Her husband dosn't do much around the house or trys to get ahead. She's tired of this and my concern is that she's planning to leave him for me. She never said anything about starting anything with me, and our conversations are not in a sexual nature. I do not want to be involved with a married woman romanticly. I don't want to be the cause of her divorce. I thought her husband knew we met for coffee now and then, but I found he has no idea, which makes me feel even further indifferent about our friendship. Our friendship has been very platonic. I like her as a friend but why didn't she set me up with her friend? I asked a few times, but I won't bring that up anymore. Do you think this woman is looking to start a romance with me and just didn't want me to date her friend because she had her own idea of relationship with me? I don't know if I should question her about this, do you?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): This sounds similar to the start of my mothers affair on my dad. Only difference is, you are not interested in pursuing this relationship.
I suppose, as the product of such divorce ending- I commend you for not wanting any part in this. Even if it is just an intuitive accusation.
Steer clear. I would have wished that my mothers now bf had acknowledged my mothers marital problems, advised her in a healthier direction for displacing her sadness and anger, and to also remind her of what she loved most about her husband and what things she should attempt to fix her problems.
Also casually show your not interested or how your life is not as amazing as she may imagine it to be. Don't express a lot of loneliness. Be sure to clearly state how much you appreciate/value your FRIENDSHIP.
There is one other option... you could try to talk to her husband. But.... I dont have any advise to that.
A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Firstly, I would not queston her about this. It might just be that it slipped her mind. As you say shes thinking about leaving her husband, that would take up a lot of ones thinking. She has to plan out where she's going to go, if she has any kids she has to think about them..
I'm thinking if it were me, I wouldn't drop everything to be with a man whom I wasn't sure even had those feelings for me. I would talk to him, express that this is what I wanted to do and make sure he was on board.
Anything is possible, but I think this is unlikely.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Sir,
I'd recommend maintaining a lock down on the temptation to verbalize your suspicions to her. Afterall, where are your facts to support turning this hypothesis into more than a theory? They're only interpretation and assumption at this point, right?
Perhaps she was only making you aware of of upcoming events in her life?
If you tell her what you suspect, you run the risk of assuming that you know what this is all about and if you're way off-base, you'll succeed in looking like an ass who is entertaining the very notions you want no part of. Or worse.
I admit that excluding her husband from the knowledge of your coffee meet-ups is rather questionable combined with her flirty-ness, even moreso. However, there's no telling how people run their personal lives. It's entirely possible that you're misreading signals, if any, incorrectly. Play it safe and just observe.
Cross that bridge when and if you come to it.
If it develops that she has decided to jump ship for you, then that decision was her's and not your's. What part have you played in it?
She's assuming the risk of failure to disclose, not you. With that risk comes the consequences. It's a HER thing, not a YOU thing. I recommend leaving it that way.
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