A
female
age
51-59,
*hmymy
writes:My emotions are on a roller coaster right now. I have a great guy friend. I've fallen head over heels for him, but don't know what to do. He is a great, friendly, super nice guy, not just to me but to everyone. We've known each other for almost 10 years, but have gotten much closer in the past 2. We share so many of the same likes, dislikes and beliefs. We text almost daily now. Nothing overtly flirty, but daily. We have quite a few inside jokes that he brings up on a regular basis. Sometimes he seems to be showing so many signs of interested. Extended eye contact, touching his face while we're talking, pupils dilating, etc. Yet when we were alone for lunch today he didn't talk nearly as much as he does when we are in a group and didn't really seem "into" the conversation, even though it was just basic talk, nothing about feelings, relationships, etc. When we left I put one arm around his waist for a hug and he hugged me around my neck (with both arms), one pat and then just squeezed. I texted him to let him know I got home and enjoyed seeing him. While he did text back he seemed a bit short and changed the subject. I know from previous relationships that he's been in he gets scared easy. I don't want to scare him off by coming on too strong, but I don't want to let him slip away by not coming on at all. After 2 years do I need to just accept we're just friends and move on or is there some secret to figuring him out with scaring him away?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): I think watching and analyzing his pupils and things like what he is or isn't talking about is getting you into this fantasy relationship that you are in with this guy.
Meaning that you are imagining something that isn't really there.
I think you two are good friends, men don't get "scared" if they really want to be with a certain women, they will be, if they don't they won't pretty simple.
I think if you really want to know how he feels about you after all this time, then ask him. You risk making your great friendship uncomfortable though, once deeper feelings are revealed sometimes it is hard to go back to friends. But if you are in love with him and you think it is worth the risk then maybe you should jump in.
I think men sort of sometimes get into a relationship one toe at a time, but 2 years of now sexual interest tells me that he probably just sees you as a friend and that is not a bad thing, just maybe not what you were hoping for.
There is no reason that moving on means losing him, what you are doing is putting all your energy and focus into this one guy as far as your heart is concerned at least, what you should be doing is leaving your heart open to other men, men that might step up and claim you as the ONE for them. It can't happen if you have a big do not distrub sign on your forehead.
Did you ever consider that you are using this relationship to avoid the scarier prospect of getting out their and actually having other relationships with men, that he is mostly your security blanket? Because if you really loved him don't you think he would feel the same way too and it wouldn't take this long to start a true romance?
Something to think about.
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