A
female
age
41-50,
*oman of Honor
writes:My husband and I have been married for 11 years now. We have 3 beautiful children. Our marriage was a marriage made in heaven. Two years ago we got the internet and ever since then my husband spends hours online looking at other woman. Within the past months he started a log book of womans nickname's from a blog site he visits daily; sometime twice a day. I came to find out that some of the woman are seeking relationship and they dress and act provocatively. My husband tries to convince me that it's nothing wrong with looking at these woman and that it's art to see a beautiful womans breast. He tries to make me feel insecure by throwing it back at me telling me that I'm the one with the problem, not him, that I'm insecure. He had several arguments over this topic but there's never a resolution. I explained to him that I don't think he' cheating and I don't think he's chating but it's the priniple of the matter. What business does a married christian man have going online spending most of time day and night checking out other woman. It's an insult to me for I've been faithful the entire time we were together and I never have browsed until last night for I wanted him to see how it felt to be in the same room with your spouse and see him smiling into the face of another live woman while you're in the corner feeling disrespected. He saw this side of me that he never seen before and he just last night cut the internet cord and said that he's through with going on the internet; however it states that he's only doing this for the sake of our 3 children for he fears that they will remember him as the man that hurts mommy. He said just last night that our relationship will never be the same and that I shouldn't be surprised if he's not lovey dovey with me. I said because he enjoyed looking at other woman with big boobs and feels as though I forced my will on him. The sad thing about this is that I keep my self looking good; I work out daily and I try my best to please him sexually and don't understand what I've done to deserve such disrespect. I've given 11 years of my life and 3 children; I done so much to please this man. But in the end I sit here loney and blue and have thoughts of seeking out a man that will love me and treat me as the great woman I am. I deserve nothing but the best, I give nothing but my best and I deserve the same. I don't ask for much; all I ask of him is respect; if only he would do that then he would have no problems out of me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sbarr10 +, writes (22 May 2009):
It IS cheating when one partner in a marriage goes outside the marriage to get needs met that *should* be met within the marriage. Whether or not there is actually any physical sex involved does not matter.
Your husband is more concerned about looking like a bad guy than in living harmoniously with you and then wants to blame you for "forcing your will" on him and now threatens you by withdrawing love and affection saying the relationship "will never be the same."
Have you considered marriage counseling with him? The way things stand now it sounds like he is just going to simmer with resentment and then use that as an excuse to do something else to hurt you. Without knowing anything else it appears that he wants out of the marriage - he is certainly looking for opportunities to distance himself from you.
Best to resolve this now with either renewed commitment or divorce. Don't lower yourself to his level by having an affair, that will just make things worse.
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