A
female
age
36-40,
*ummeramber
writes:i have been seeing this married bloke for 4 months now and he has a son and a wife in another country which he has recently gone back to, however what me and him had was good he was loving caring thoughtfull and really nice and good looking. his wife always puts him down about the way he looks and how is skin is and is constantly moving all the time because she is not happy in one place they have a 9 year old son and since he has been born they have moved 7 times and because of this it has caused him to miss out on 5 years of his son's life because she has not waited for him she has just packed and gone without him. his wife is not thinking about the damage it will do to their son and also what her husband wants and he has also said to me he only loves her because she is the mother of his son. he loves me and wants to be with me but personally i think he is scared of saying something to his wife because she has said he will never see his son again. is there anyting i can do to help him get out of of this situation as i love him so so much and dont want to seeim get hurt and put down all the time by his wife Reply to this Question
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female
reader, summeramber +, writes (7 August 2009):
summeramber is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the comments guys
A
female
reader, summeramber +, writes (5 August 2009):
summeramber is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto me he is scared of telling her how he feels because she has said if they split she will stop him from seeing his son. i am not doing it just for me just so that i get to be with him its not like that at all but they are both hurting because of how he feels forher and how she treats him. i understand that it does sound nasty of me but i dont mean it to come accross like this i have known him all in all 2 years and he was my best friend before we started having a relationship and he always said how bad things were at home with his wife how she always caused arguments over nothing and breaking his stuff that mean things to him i have witnessed her doing this on a few occassions should this be how she treats her husband? he is one of the kindest blokes i have ever met and he would do anything to harm anyone he ant got a bad bone in his body and would also do anything to anyone i just want him to be happy again whether its with me or not i will not stop loving him and caring for him even if we are not together he will always be my best friend just want to see him happy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): my dad left me, my brother and my mum for another woman. you speak about how she is not thinking about the damage she's doing to their son. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! have you thought about the damage you will do to their son and his mother when they find out he is having an affair?! what my father did to my family ripped us apart. my mother cried herself to sleep everynight for a year. he left us with nothing! he needs to end it now if he is not happy instead of dragging them along more and more and you need to realise that what are you doing is wrong!
SHAME ON YOU
SHAME
ON
YOU
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): I'm sure you think you know the whole story, but do you REALLY know the whole story? I know a man, who deceived his new woman with excuse that his gf was hysterical and she could hurt herself. So he had to stay with her for a while and break it up slowly. Bollocks. I know her, she is the most sensilbe woman I've ever met. When she learned about his infidelity she just broke up with him, no drama. she talked to me, not even accusing me. In a way she seemed to understand. It was just that he wanted to have his cake and eat it in the same time. And believe me, if u met him, he is the nicest, most considerate, gentle man imaginable. He treated me with great attention, told me that he loves me and he'll leave her, because he really wants to be with me. But the fact was just that his gf was really busy and exhausted, working extra hours at work, and had little time for him. He felt alone and neglected and fell for me, where he became the centre of the universe again.
What ur situation shows is just that u ended up with a type of a man who does not confront problems, but runs and hides from them. Is it fair to cheat his wife? No matter what kind of bitch she is, it was he who married her. He once loved her. And now look how he treats her. How disrespectful he is explaining such things about his wife to his new lover. Did you ask him if he ever talked to his wife about this? It's a risky question, but do you really want to be with a man who does not try even that? Doesn't even think before throwing away 9 years. Maybe his spouse behaves in such manner because he didn't treat her nicely. He could be a completely different man at home, you know him for only 4 months. Who knows what kind of relationship his wife and he have.
If he was really such a great, decent guy, he would sort it out with his wife first and then came to you, to give u the 1st place u deserve, not the second place and the guilt.
And if something goes wrong someday and he doesn't feel close to you anymore, do you really want to be this woman's shoes someday? You know, it is much easier to fall in love with another person that to make up with the old partner who already knows u are far from perfect. Married men are always a bad choice. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman one day. Now he represents her as a monster.
Do you want to take her place in a few years? Do you want to be the whore who helped him to give up on his wife and family in the eyes of his child? I know it sounds harsh to you, I know how it is when u are inlove and the loved one treats you wonderfully. But I've been in your place once. And now I regret it tremendously.
I cannot judge, though. Only you know how things really are. Maybe his wife is really abusive and there was some sort of mistake when he married here, but still ... be aware, that he is able to lie. To lie about important things. Strong people never cheat, because they always solve the problem. If he was a good man, he wouldn't let YOU solve his problem. He would have solved it himself already. Because it is his problem, not yours.
I really wish you all the best, and in a way I hope I'm wrong. But I'm certainly right about 2 things: he is able to lie and he runs from problems. Hardly features od a perfect man.
Be strong!
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