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age
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writes: Okay, so I'm still with the same girl I have been ever since I started posting on here. Distance relationship. About 9 1/2 months in. Right now she is studying abroad in England and things have just gotten really tough. I think it's probably good in the end that she went on this trip b/c it's helping get all this bad stuff out in the open. Anyway, that's just some background.Right now our current issue is about what each of us wants in the relationship. She says that I have given her everything she has wanted and more. She barely has to ask for anything as I usually end up doing it, or do something she didn't even realize she wanted. However, when it comes to me, things are not so great. It might partly have to deal with the fact that I don't even know what I want, as I was going to type it here but the right words aren't coming to mind. Tonight she told me "Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. I want to make you happy" I didn't like the thought of that because then she's just giving it to me because I told her. I want her to not have to be told. That's what I give her. Is there anything wrong with telling her what I want in the relationship that I'm not getting? or is this a sign that we should end this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 No theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would actually recomend it. Becuase sometimes she can not tell what your want or vice vers out of the relationship and it would be silly to throw it all away without even attempting to have her understand and help satisfy you. This works both ways so she will probably have a few requests as well once you start this conversation with her.
So yeah theres nothing wrong with it.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Hi, What you wrote was " I want her to not have to be told". That to me is the crux of the matter. Sometimes,
we want people we love, to be as responsive to us, as we are to them. But we all give love in different ways. If you are not satisfied with her responsiveness, you have to decide, is what she is giving you emotionally and tangibly, enough for you? People are going to behave as they will, based on how they were raised, their previous relationships and other factors. You cannot put your way of behaving into another person, you can have a long discussion, but in the end, people revert to who they are as a human beings. Some say our personalities are set at four years old. You may love her, but you may need more than what you have now, and ask yourself, just what do you have? You are young and still growing emotionally, give yourself that room, breath a little. Good luck to you always.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Yes, but we are not all mind readers, so give her some help. I cannot see anything wrong in you telling her just what you want. How frustrating it is when we dont know what the other person wants or is thinking! I could scream when i want to know what to do for the best, yet i get it wrong. Let her know. You want her not to have to be told. Told, is a very bullying word, sorry, but i think it should be Asked. Ask her nicely to do the things that you would like done. Remember, it works both ways.
take care
xx
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