A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an extremely boring relationship with a girl that I really like. She is very kind, considerate and giving. She takes exceptionally good care of me and takes care of a lot of my needs, like my laundry, helping me keep my place clean, cooking, etc.The problem is that she is extremely uninteresting. It feels like the most we do is go out to eat and then come back home and watch a movie or late night reruns of whatever is on tv land. I ask her if she feels like doing something and she often just sits there with a somewhat blank look on her face, not saying a thing.The sex in our relationship has also really gone downhill. When we first got together we were having sex every day, sometimes multiple times a day. We talked about things we might want to try (well, okay, things I was interested in trying...again she just didnt display any interest in trying anything for herself), and we did try a few new things, and it was really hot. Now all of that has stopped and our sex is basically us kissing a bit, some missionary, occasionally a little bit of her on top, and rarely one of us gives oral to te other.The sex is what is bothering me the most. I express affection very physically, and when the sex was great it left me with a good feeling of closeness and and eagerness to do things for her like send her gifts, give her cards and lovenotes, and all of that made her very happy, and we would be content a lot of the time to just sit on the couch watching something because it was with someone we loved.Another problem is that it is difficult, if not impossible to have a conversation with her. The only time she tells me anything is when she comes home from work and has a rant to let out about her day. I listen and actually pay attention, but then after thats all out of her, it is back to silence. I'll try to talk about something and she'll just offer an indifferent noise, or a fragment of a thought, and that's all she has to say on that subject. I can talk about almost anything, but only if there's a reply. It feels like I may as well be talking to my bathroom wall.The worst of it however is that she does not communicate with me. I have asked her if there is ever anything wrong and she always says everything is absolutely fine, and that she is very happy with me. We have been together for eight months and she has literally never uttered a complaint about me. If I say I'm sorry for something because I thought what I did was a mistake, she will say I should not be silly, because its alright.It is getting to a point that I am starting to go a little more crazy each day. She takes good care of me, and when we do manage to do something that gets us closer, it is fantastic. But day to day it is just so boring that often I feel like I dread the next time she comes over, because I feel like I have more fun by myself.Is there anything I can do to inject some life into this relationship? Or is it basically dead and needs to be buried?
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female
reader, slipperyslope1234  +, writes (14 February 2010):
Aw that's too bad. Well intellectual and emotional compatibility can contribute to good sex, something you did have at one point. If sex is going downhill, as I woman, I'll say it's got something to do with the relationship and the emotional connection. To keep things fresh you've got to continue to grow and get to know each other. I think she is afraid to express her opinions, so if you want to work it out with her, you've got to do all you can to make sure she feels safe expressing herself honestly. Maybe by doing this yourself and expressing your deeper side will help. She might have a fear of disrupting your otherwise peaceful, yet boring relationship because she fears you will leave or is afraid of change. She should be able to admit when you do something that upsets her. Surely, after 8 months, you've done something to upset her!! That's perfectly normal and acceptable. A lot of people have the fear that if they show their real, true selves, it will scare the other person away. But revealing the less-than-perfect (and not so well composed) sides of ourselves is what makes for personal growth - admitting you've got 'unhealed places,' sharing your fears, hopes, what you're working towards, etc. I might be totally off in your case, but everyone's got a story and interesting things yet to discover. Sometimes it takes some digging or maybe you have to be the example by sharing less comfortable information with her and getting vulnerable. If you both get too comfortable in a relationship, you don't grow, and you just try to maintain what is. Just some suggestions before you call it quits.
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 February 2010):
 This is the feeling you get when you settle down. You are still young, so if this is not the kind of relationship you want, you have to tell her. Your relationship is very good compared to other people in this forum. If she's not complaining, you are doing a good job. You don't need drama, alcohol, BDSM sex to feel alive. Tell her how you feel and ask her how come she's so content with everything, and learn from a woman. Remember there's a book about after enlightenment, we do laundry and dishes. Do you feel how ridiculous that we want to live in eternity and would do everything to delay death, yet we dread a rainy Sunday afternoon? Don't look at your relationship as dead, instead, feel the bliss of stillness, the feeling of no matter what happens, we have each other. Or if you are ready, literally inject life into her. Children can be very exciting.
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