A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, this is my first time posting here, but I could really use some advice.I'm 24 years old, and still living with my father and sister. I've been looking for work for well over a year now, and recently got laid-off from the job I had. Making things worse, because of a technical mistake several years ago, I can't get Financial Aid, so to get back into college, I would have to pay out-of-pocket.And then, there's just... me. I've always been self-conscious, as most of my family was born with super-model good-looks -- they all have dark hair, dark eyes, and perfectly-tan complexions, from our Native-American heritage. I, on the other hand, have red-hair and blotchy, freckled skin.In addition, I've battled with weight problems since I was a teenager; a battle that I lost, being about 250 lbs now. I'm fortunate in that I'm a pretty muscular guy, and I'm trying to force myself to go jogging every night, but you can understand where a lack of confidence comes from.Making things worse is that I simply don't have friends anymore. I used to be friends with some real low-lives, and each one wound up screwing me over in one way or another. While I don't regret the lack of friends, it doesn't make it nearly impossible to meet someone.And, perhaps worst of all, is... I'm a virgin. It's kind of strange, since I never really thought that much about it, but apparently it's almost laughable for a guy my age to be a virgin. It's gotten to a point where I'm scared of even the *idea* of being with a woman, as I'm nervous that it will be embarrassing. The irony is that in high-school, a few girls thought I was "cute", but I never realized it.I just feel drained of any sense of confidence. I feel like I slowly become someone that is simply "unlovable". I always thought myself as a romantic, that "I'll meet someone in college", but it seems like any hope of meeting someone is just crumbling away, along with the rest of my goals in life.I guess what I really want to ask is this: is there any woman who would even consider dating a guy with his life in as big a mess as mine is? Or am I just kind of a lost cause until I can get my life in order?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 June 2012):
You need to work on making your life worth sharing if you want to find someone to share it with. A relationship is supposed to be the cherry on top of an already established life, not the lifeline to cling onto.
- Not being able to find a job is common these days and if you try hard no-one is going to judge you for being unlucky.
- Being a virgin at your age is not bad. I was a virgin at 22 so I know what it's like to be 'late' when it comes to these things. The problem with your virginity is the reason you are one: because of self esteem issues. These need to be dealt with.
- Your self esteem issues. You can't help your complexion and hair color, but you can help your weight. Maybe there's more to the reason the pounds piled on rather than just a bad lifestyle. Check with your doctor for thyroid problems and problems with your digestive system.
If you're cleared of those, commit yourself to a diet with a lot of protein (from fish, chicken, turkey, lean meat, eggs and cottage cheese), green veggies (spinach, broccoli, lettuce, etc.) fruits, and a minimal amount of starch (white rice, potatoes, bread). Have unsalted nuts for snacks (watch it with the portions) and drink water or green tea only. Stop eating before you're full. Have a cheat day every weekend where you can eat your favorite foods, but keep your portions in check. Do this for a couple of months and you're guaranteed to lose weight, if you don't have the health issues I mentioned earlier that is.
Also go to the gym and try and find a trainer to put you on a programme. You don't need a personal trainer, just someone who sets you up and checks up on you every 2 or 4 weeks. If you have someone to hold you accountable you're more likely to do it.
- As for college, pardon my ignorance, but how can one technical mistake deny you from getting financial aid?
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (3 June 2012):
things are not as bad as they seem.I understand your concerns over your weight, Im 210 lbs and Im a female (bad I know) and if you struggle with your weight it can take over your life. on the virgin front, I would rather date a virgin than a man wh0re. try to keep calm when planning your life forward from here, things are not as bad as you think. being out of work isnt your fault. I would suggest taking up a sport or hobby where you meet people. it would help your confidence and you could make some new friends (and possibly lose weight). good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2012): I think it is perfectly okay to be a virgin at 24....being 39 with 4 kids and looking back on my younger days, I think it is very attractive.
Weight can be lost, or changed into muscle with a lil exercise, if it is an issue. I don't want a "boney man" personally. Fit is nice, but....not that important.
The job....I think there are a lot of ppl who don't have jobs right now. I have never dated a guy based on his financial status, or the job he had. And personallt I think that if it is an issue with a woman, then you have the wrong woman. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 June 2012):
 Sounds" to me like you've got yourself convinced that your life is in the proverbial commode and there's no saving you....
The big question? Are you going to let THAT be "who you are"......????? or, are you going to grow up, learn about and focus upon the good things about you and get your a*s out in the world and MAKE a good life for yourself?????
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): Well if you were depressive, clingy and constantly needed your gf to boost your self - esteem/confidence then that would put girls off.
However if you had acknowledged these problems and were actively working on them, then yeah girls would date you, I would (assuming we had similar interests). Whether you're a virgin or not is fairly irrelevant if you really like the other person. A girl who would think otherwise is probably not worth your time in the first place. Also red hair is my favourite, I think it's rare and unique.
If girls thought were cute then you might be judging yourself too harshly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): Whose told you that it's laughable for a guy to be a virgin at 24? Guys I bet? Girls definitely don't have a problem with lads who are virgins. Most of us love it. I like to feel special and I like to feel like the men I am with are the kind of men who wouldn't just sleep with anyone.Anyway, who says you have to tell anyone that you're a virgin if you're embarrassed by it? No one will be able to tell. I didn't realise my ex had been a virgin before I slept with him until he told me afterwards and I actually really liked knowing that no one else had been with him other than me. Also, don't put yourself down! Do you seriously think that girls might object to you because of your hair colour?! Some of us aren't that shallow and those of us that are probably aren't worth bothering with. You need to boost your confidence though. That is something that's attractive to women.Maybe you could look at doing some voluntary or charity work until you can find a job? A lot of my friends I know through the voluntary work I am involved with.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): You have to gain confidence before good people will want to be friends or want a relationship with you.Focus only on what you can change about yourself to gain confidence. You can go running every night. Even if you don't have the drive to do it, at least get up and go for a brisk walk. My fiance was 300lbs when he started an exercise routine over a year ago. He lost 40 lbs in the first 6 months and has only run a couple times a week since and has managed to keep the weight he lost off. He also cut back on sugary snacks, and began eating more veggies. His most difficult hurdle was trying to stop comfort-eating. He still does this when he is super-stressed, but he doesn't let it spiral out of control like before. He'll over-indulge for a weekend, then hit the gym for a 30 minute run on monday. It clears his head and helps him feel less guilty about over-indulging himself and prevents him from feeling bad and eating more for comfort.Because you are native american, you may qualify for a scholarship of some sort to return to college. Scholarships are different than other types of financial aid. Since you have access to the internet, you may want to research whether your financial aid technicality can be cleared up if you file a complaint through the proper channels. If it has something to do with defaulting on student loans, the only way to regain financial aid is to make regular payments for a certain number of months.Additionally, almost every college/university offers employees a reduced/discounted rate on any classes they take. You should look for a job at a local college.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): I'd date you! I'm a 26 year old virgin and I like the idea of being with someone who doesn't have a history
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