A
female
age
30-35,
*enacoleus
writes:Hello everyone,Thank you in advance for reading this, and for your advice is any comes to mind :) I’ll try to keep this short and to the point. I’m 18, and gay (girl). I met the most amazing woman two weeks ago, at a concert. I assumed she was in her mid twenties. We got to speaking (simply talking, no flirting) and she let her age slip… she’s in her forties. Ugh. She seemed straight, but she was so lovely that even though I felt a little pang knowing that there was no chance she’d ever like me back, I invited her to hang out with me a few days ago. We got together and started talking to each other about life, love, etc. I told her I was gay and she replied that recently she had started recently wondering if she might be bisexual. A glass or two of wine later, and we were flirting pretty audaciously.I got up the nerve to tell her that I had feelings for her. She looked at me, eyes wide open, and said… I feel the same way. But I can’t. I just can’t. You’re too young.I asked her if it was genuinely just the age difference, and not that she wasn’t attracted to me. She said, I swear…it’s just the age difference. If you were thirty I would absolutely say yes.I’m still feeling somewhat exhilarated and “high” just because of the fact that this incredible woman does find me attractive, but at the same time heartbroken because I feel a real connection with her and believe that we should go for it.Is there any way to convince her that age is just a number? I’m not necessarily looking for a serious relationship, and neither is she. I just really enjoy her company and get along amazingly with her. So a few days ago I asked her (by facebook message) if she’d get coffee with me, *just* as friends. She hasn’t responded. Does this mean it’s over and I should just move on with my life? ? I’m assuming she hasn’t responded either because a) she possibly has feelings for me and this scares her because she thinks its wrong, or b) she hates my guts. I'm freaking out thinking its b). I don’t know, I guess right now I’m just really sad because she hasn’t responded ? I’ve been crying for the past few hours…I know that’s really infantile, and I’m usually not one for dramatics, but I really like this woman and I feel like an opportunity for something special has been lost.Do you guys think there is anything else I can do?Much love,L
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 May 2013):
 Age can be just a number when one person is 25 and the other is 20. But when she's more than double your age, age is a huge issue. You may be legally an adult but your emotional maturity isn't where hers is. Even if you are mature, you just can't make up for that kind of difference.
It's really best if you just move on. Sorry. :( For the record though I am almost 100% certain she doesn't hate you or harbor negative feelings towards you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 May 2013):
 well it's not that she hates you trust me.
you are battling two problems here.
1. she's old enough to be your mother and the age difference at 18 and 38 is huge. at 38 and 58 not so bad... but even I would not have dated my husband when he was 18 and I was 32... no way.
2. she is not gay or bi but rather BI-curious.... that means she battles with coming to terms with her sexuality. Deciding at 40 that you MAY be bi is a big deal....
look at it this way... what you have now is a quick short course of painful wishing about what might have been. IF you manage to convince her to overcome her age gap issues (doubtful due to the huge difference) AND deal with her bi-curious nature... you may find in a few months she's now sure she can't cope and is not bisexual after all and then she leaves and you've gotten attached and it hurts worse.
she's doing you a favor by not leading you on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): "Is there any way to convince her that age is just a number?"
No, because that is a fallacy. You have virtually no experience living as an independent adult, she has a lifetime. When you're her age you'll realize just how right she is.
Also, you're young enough to be her daughter. That's enough to be a turn off for her and if it is, then you can't change her mind.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (22 May 2013):
You cant convince her age is "just a number" because its not. There are many reasons relating to maturity, health, and life experiences that become increasingly large as the age gap widens.
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