A
male
age
36-40,
*alaway0203
writes:My girlfriend and soon to be finance Kristin and I are getting married in Dec '08. Well she wants to wait until we are married to have sex (including oral sex). She does become very aroused whenever we kiss and I caress her beautiful body. Is there any way I can stimulate her to the point of orgasm without actually having sex with her (including oral sex)?
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reader, daletom +, writes (26 December 2007):
You and your girlfriend (I hope she said "YES!" to becoming your fiance' !!) have set a very admirable goal. Yes, I've been there. I hope you understand that this is something very significant to her, and you respect her wishes, and are fully committed to helping her achieve that goal. Don't go thinking up ways to trick her into doing things, in the heat of passion, that she's already told you she doesn't want to do.
By the same token, make sure she realizes that she will have to help you keep your promise not to push her farther than she's ready for. From personal experience I know that over the next year you will probably have several discussions centered around "How far can we go in our lovemaking?". What you want to do (bring her to orgasm) may be beyond what she will permit now, or any time before the gold band is on her finger. But I also know from experience - lovers who recognize that orgasm is the natural objective of necking, fondling, etc; and are willing to respectfully and lovingly help each other achieve that release with non-coital methods when necessary, find it easier to refrain from sex until marriage.
Though most guys discover their own orgasm in their early teen years, many girls have to learn how to have an orgasm. Does your G/F know what her orgasm is like? If so, will she give you guidance for how to best stimulate her? This will probably take the form of her placing your hand, mouth, etc, where she wants it, demonstrating the rhythm and "touch" (light, firm, etc) she wants at that particular moment.
If she is preorgasmic it will probably take some exploration and experimentation. Make sure she is in agreement. If she is psychologically opposed to your goal there will almost certainly be an argument, even if you are successful at bringing her to climax. The advice from "DoubleM" is pretty good. Your girlfriend's clitoris is generally identified as the trigger for her climax, but it may not tolerate the kind of direct stroking you use on your penis. The kind of stimulation that is most effective will vary from day to day, and as she goes goes through the stimulation/orgasm/afterglow cycle. She may respond to a firm, slow touch at the start and shift to a fast, feather-light touch in the last moments; or just the opposite. Don't be surprised if she pushes you away immediately after orgasm - I'm told that the clitoris can be painfully sensitive to touch at that moment.
You may find that firm pressure against her whole labia/vulva area is more stimulating than a finger directly on her clitoris. She may prefer to take control of the stimulation by pressing against a firm object, perhaps with the same hip motions she'll eventually use during intercourse. The slang term for this is "dry humping"; my fiance' (now my wife) used to say "I need to use your knee for a minute.".
I should also add that breast and nipple stimulation may help bring her to orgasm. Try suckling her like a baby would - I've been told that a few women can reach climax from this alone, and sometimes do while breastfeeding their kids.
It probably sounds corny and old-fashioned, but I think that extensive non-coital lovemaking - starting with kissing, "necking", fondling and moving through the things suggested here - has very significant benefits. The obvious one is simply practicing the mechanics of foreplay. More significantly, you are learning to give and receive sexual pleasure, and to "read" your partner's responses. This will make you better sexual partners for each other, when that finally happens. And yes, it can be an effective "safety valve" to help you keep the promise you've made to each other.
(Let other people quibble over whether you are "true virgins" or merely "technical virgins", or whatever other terms they want to use. You and your G/F have a goal, and I think it's worthwhile. It's an opportunity to demonstrate understanding and respect for each other. At the very least being wedding night virgins won't harm anything.)
Yes, my wife and I exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. It was pretty lousy sex, but EXTREMELY significant and meaningful to both of us. Before that day we had done "everything but intercourse" which is more than what you are describing, but still making our first time a unique event. Prior to that, I had the awesome privilege of helping her have her first orgasm. (It was the result of an early attempt at giving her oral sex.) Being with her for that event, holding her, and knowing that I had done that for her was as satisfying, perhaps even more so, than our first intercourse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): DoubleM is right. Sounds like a plan to me. He sounds like a GOD with foreplay. My boyfriend and I have really high sex drives. Yesterday... just out of curiosity, I went to several websites on male and female anatomy, including female orgasm. There are hundreds of great websites that you can go to that are really informative. These are not set in stone! Find your own technique for what pleases your lady. Talk to her. Ask her. There is nothing like the physical experience!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Well certainly. Heavy petting, meaning gently massaging her private area, particularly her clitoris eventually, will stimulate most women to orgasm.
Of course, this is all done while passionately kissing her, and preceded by breast stimulation both with your hands and lips (if allowed). Gently squeeze her breasts and nipples at length before moving your hand to the nether region.
If she allows, include fingering her for awhile prior to any direct stimulation on her clitoris, which must begin gently and often in a circular motion. Wet your fingers with saliva first and keep repeating. She should soon become plenty wet. This is essentially how most women masturbate to orgasm.
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