A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We meet up half way every Friday evening and book into a hotel until Sunday evening. I love him dearly and I really enjoy being with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him in it! He's been down my place a few times, met my friends and family and vice versa. Recently we've been talking about finding our own place together but our work commitments are making it impossible to plan anything. He works for his dad's business and I co-own a business with my partner who is one of my closest friends. We both earn good money but neither of us are willing to give up our jobs, even though we could comfortably support one another off one of our salaries. I love my job but he always complains about his which is why I've been pestering him to make the move down to me. He says he wants to but every time I bring it up, he quickly changes the subject. I know deep down he doesn't want to give up his job and he knows I don't want to give up mine. Is there any way around this or should I consider ending this relationship because of the distance and our work commitments?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2014): I think you each should take about 2 weeks each to live with the other, in their city. As Mark commented, one of you will have to give up a lot to share a home. Is it a risk you're willing to make? Him? A good career is hard to find these days. It could be that you or him dislike the other's city. or living in his space for two weeks you find a few habits that you really dislike or vice versa.
Can either of you telecommunicate for 2 - 3 weeks for your job? If so ... go stay with the other one for 2 - 3 weeks.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (22 July 2014):
 Hi
There is a big difference between meeting someone every weekend and making the most of the time together sexually, passionately and emotionally, and actually living with someone or even having a normal steady relationship where you see every side of each other and the daily grind. In the type of relationship you are in, you both plan ahead, make the most of each others limited time and meet in a hotel and make sure you enjoy the moment. You may, and I say again may, find that outside of that environment the relationship could become very different. If your spending most of your "home" time together in hotels for example, you could find it very different living together.
Moving in with someone after a year of being together is quite a big commitment for any couple in such a comparatively short space of time, especially as you are both still quite young. But considering the type of relationship situation so far it is a bit of a risk.
As for the financial side, jobs are hard to come by even for those with plenty of experience and qualifications. Times are hard and for one of you to give up a decent wage to be with the other would be a big decision and one that's hard to go back on if the living together part doesn't work out. Plus if the person who kept the job lost it for whatever reason, you would both be out of work. Non of us knows what the future brings in that sense.
For this relationship to work you cannot keep meeting up in a hotel every weekend as that's not exactly a great situation and is a bit like illicit lovers meeting up for nookie. You need to move into a proper relationship but for htat to happen one of you as to give up their job, potentially create an awkward situation for their father/best friend who you currently work with, and move away from friends and family.
There is no way around it - it is what it is. One of you has to give up a LOT to take a risk on living together, or you go your separate ways.
Mark
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