A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm 19 and pretty much completely inexperienced, generally and sexually.The only sexual thing I've done is given a guy a handjob.I have never shown skin before, and have never experienced anything sexual on my part with a guy.However, I have masturbated. I regularly do. But even then I don't go to any extreme levels.I have never been able to finger myself cause I'm just too nervous that it'll hurt.I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months now, and my sexual desires have built up. He knows I'm a virgin and he knows I've never done anything before but he said he would like to at least take it one step further to foreplay as he knows sex is out of the equation for the time being.Now I'm wondering, is it any different when someone else pleases you to when you're pleasing yourself?I really want to take it further with him and allow him to please me but the only thing stopping me is the nerves and the fact that I won't have control.When masturbating, you know yourself so you know how to please yourself. You know when to go faster or slow down, now me personally, I have never been able to orgasm cause I literally lose control of my body and I've never been able to go all the way through with it. I usually stop right before I'm about to - because I can control that.Whereas if I were to allow him to please me, it'd be totally different. He would have control and I wouldn't. What I'm asking is, is it any different when you're being pleased rather than pleasing yourself? Do you feel less in control? Does it feel better when someone else does it for you?
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foreplay, hand-job, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Crazykatee +, writes (22 December 2011):
Im thick, i read this over and over lol, i move my boy friend's hands, i have him do it how i like it, he moves his hand in the wrong place then I'll kick him off me, i control the whole thing, but you dont sound sure, you sound like you want us to tell you to go for it, but the question is are you ready to take it to the nxt step? You'll be nervous, and a bit worried but it's fine, take control of your mans hands to start with, show him how you like it and how you dont!! Then you'll both as a couple learn how each other works, good luck x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): You've answered your own question. Yes there's a difference between masturbating and letting someone do it for you. When you masturbate you know how to control it but when someone does it for you, you migh not control it. But maybe u should let your man please you cuz it's worth experiencing, but yeah guide him through and tell him to not lose control and ejaculate first, he must first satify you before he satisfies himself.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 It's different. They aren't psychic so of course every touch won't feel exactly how you want/expect, but it feels very good and very different to have someone else do it. If you trust him not to and let him know what feels good and what doesn't, it won't hurt. You still have control of the situation, you're just allowing him to pleasure you. Don't go into it thinking about control, think about it like allowing a new experience. If you're really scared to do this, you should wait though.
Since he won't know what you like, the best thing for you to do is put your hand over his and show him exactly what to do. And once you move your hand away eventually, guide him verbally. Don't be afraid to say if you want it harder, softer, faster, slower, etc... Just say it in a "sexy" tone like, "I LOVE when you do ____" I don't know any guys who wouldn't love a girl who could tell them exactly what she wanted with pleasuring them since we're all different.
If you're really nervous, you should start the physical stuff slowly. Ask for a full body massage first so you can get used to be touched by someone else, then move to upper inner thighs. It can feel startling to have someone just start immediately with sexual contact there. Just try to relax and enjoy the experience and don't be afraid to let him know what does and doesn't feel good.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Yes, it is very different. You are more aware than most girls in the fact that you already understand that you automatically know what you want to do when it comes time to masturbate, so you'll already be aware that if you need him to do something different to make it feel better, you'll actually have to -tell- him because he can't read your mind. A LOT of people think that everyone they're with are just going to magically know how to please them, and that is -not- the case. People are human beings, not betazoid, we can't read minds and we need to be taught.
The thing is, you cannot expect yourself to enjoy sexual encounters with someone else if you cannot even bring yourself to enjoy them alone. You won't allow yourself to reach orgasm because you don't want to lose control, but you HAVE to lose control. Do you want your partner to avoid ever having an orgasm with you simply because they were afraid to? Or do you value their pleasure and sexual responses as a valuable bonding tool and a wonderful experience? I'm sure if you look at this situation from an outside perspective, you'd see that the ability to be comfortable and "let go" is a valuable ability to have.
Letting go, and allowing yourself to reach orgasm, and being willing to teach your partner how to bring you to orgasm, are all traits that good lovers have. I know you want to be a good lover for your partner.
Communicate. Relax. Bring yourself to orgasm, let go and allow yourself to enjoy it. It's fun and will bring you happiness and pleasure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): If doing yourself was as good as getting done by another person, boys would never leave their houses.
Yes, there is a difference between the two. Getting pleased by someone else is typically much more enjoyable, particularly if you like that person. You do lose some control but you can still guide that person and help them learn how you like things done.
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