A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid.I have been living with my husband for 7 years now. For past 2 yrs things have been a roller coaster. I have left twice just for 5 wks at least to get a break from him and his tantrums. The first time I left I took our two kids with us, he told me to take them and leave. The second time he hid the kids passports at his work. He told me if I want to leave I can leave but not with the kids. One is 3yrs and other is 6. He is always screaming at me in front of the kids and friends and even our workers. Every little thing that goes wrong in the house he points to me and says it's my fault coz I work from home and I should be able to make sure everything runs perfect in the house. My job is not all that demanding plus we have two workers but Why should I always be the one to take the blame? We have young kids who now and then ruin things in the house but he would never talk to them or explain he would just scream at me and say am lazy and useless. Yet after all that he would still want to have sex with me, how do I even sleep with someone who makes feel worthless and has no respect for me? For the past two months he completely stopped giving me any money at all for anything I needed. He said I should use my business money. I hardly make enough on my business + I even have 2 workers working for me that I have to pay every month and other costs. I probably make like a $100 profit which for someone who is used to spending that in one day for groceries and other things it's nothing. He is been doing house shoppings himself and if he gives me money its $25 a day for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the whole family. He insists on seeing receipts every time he gives u the money so that he knows how much u have spent. Yes Iam a big spender and I argued Him several times to be in charge of the money and he used to refuse. I didn't mean it that he cut down our financials that drastically or stop buying me even body lotion or small things that women need. All I wanted for him was to take control of the budgets but now he shut me off completely. I cannot even bring myself to smile at him at all or even let alone talk to him coz it all ends up with him telling me to "shut my big f^^^ng mouth" . He said he is ok if I want to leave and God knows I don't think I am inlove with him anymore. The sight of him annoys me, he is such a bully and I know if I had no kids I would walk out of the door and never look back. The only thing making my life easier right now is when I hang out with my friends, my friends have money 10 times more than my husband and they usually pay my bills when we go out. This annoys him even more. He wants me to stay at home and listen to his tantrums which I don't think I can deal with anymore....he is 22 years older than me and am a very attractive woman still in my late 20,s of which I still have a lot ahead of me than sticking up to a bully for the rest of my life. Is there a possibility for someone like that to change? I have been cutting him some slack saying he is having a midlife crisis but what if it isn't? What if this is who he is? How can I leave my own kids to find my own happiness? I have no financial support, I haven't saved up a penny since we married. The last time we had a fight and I left, I took all the money in my account and travelled. Now am completely broke and he knows it too. My parents died when I was young so I have no one to really welcome me in their homes. Anyone ever been through this and found a way to start over? Today he said to me to find a rich guy and start a new family just because I took $35 from his money without asking and paid a debt. He knows about the debt coz It was a month overdue and he kept refusing to pay that's why I just took it. Any advice to deal with this type of person? I AM SO DONE and Going crazzzy! He says I party hard, yes I go out every weekend with my friends but that is only because I can't stand the way he talk to me and outing with my friends is the only time I feel alive. Note: most of the times I go out my kids are sleeping and when they wake up the next day am always at home and they would cuddle me and wake up together. I don't think it affects them in anyway. But ofcourse it annoys him.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (22 October 2015):
First of all this is a sad situation for you both that things have got to this stage.However the children here are being most affected- because they will pick up on the tension in the home and this cannot be allowed to go on for their sake.Something has to be done as soon as possible.From reading your letter probably he would not sit down and have a chat with you.[would be worth a try anyway]Would you consider going to a relationship counsellor to talk it out.Even if he refuses to go with you it would be important for you to go on your own,Because you need help.[1]To have a happy home for your children.[2]To see can you both save this relationship.[3]Or to sort out the best situation for you all for the future.Kind regards .NORA B,
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