A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. For the first year, we rarely ever fought, and when we did it was nothing too serious. For the last six months things have been a lot more rocky (though we've had our ups as well). It seems like my attitude affects him greatly. I'm normally quite a cheery person, a trait that he says originally attracted him to me, and he says it's like night and day when I'm in a bad mood (for example, when I get PMS, he thinks I'm like a different person - not always a bitch or anything, just morose sometimes). It is sometimes hard for me to confront him about things that are bothering me in our relationship, because he generally reacts quite defensively (as if any discussion of an issue is tantamount to saying "You are a terrible boyfriend!") Sometimes I bring it up anyway, sometimes I bottle it for a while and end up bursting. Lately, I've been thinking that some of the things we fight about are going to take time for him to resolve - a big one being, I want to get married in the not-so-distant future; he has no savings and is still getting his stuff together, so to speak, though he loves me, says he'll never leave me, says his life would be empty without me, etc. - so I'm thinking I might just pull back a little bit, not see him as much - that is neither making myself be careless and optimistic, nor getting upset with him - so maybe that's the answer. But then I think, he isn't going read anything into it; he'll just think, "She's really busy with work right now," which I am. So nothing will get solved, and I'll probably end up getting very upset with him in a couple months. Argh. Is there some in-between of being that pleasant girl he fell in love with yet reminding him that he needs to get on top of things soon if he wants to keep her?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Ok well if you distance yourself from him thinking that he will get his act up you are wrong. He will take it as a sign that you are losing interest with him. You need to be open and honest with him and tell him how you feel, tell him what you want and give him an oppertunity to tell you what he wants. Talking is the best way. Never bottle things up as it always comes out in the end and a lot worse. Talk to him about it. If you are wanting to marry this man then you both need to be able to communicate openly to each other.
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