A
female
age
41-50,
*hatamuddle
writes:Ok so here's the story so far -Got chatting to a guy online. He initiated the conversation and we got on well online. I offered my number and the following day he text me and conversations continued through text.We met up for a coffee during the day and spent about an hour together. Was very grown up and lovely. Each went own way after. Kiss on the cheek and hug.Before I got home I had a text from him saying he enjoyed himself and had wanted to kiss me on the lips but thought it inappropriate especially as he struggled to read any signals from me. He thought the age was a concern for me and I after I reassured him this was't the case we just went back to normal texting each other.We discussed what we like affection wise in a relationship and when we saw each other a week later for a walk neither of us seemed to think twice about kissing on the lips as soon as we saw each other. We walked hand in hand, arms round each other etc. we sat on the grass and kissed and hands did wander a bit! We then had lunch, kiss an a cuddle then went separate ways. He said to text when I got home and I was a bit delayed so as hadnt text as soon as he thought I would he checked in with me. While talking in the park, he mentioned places he'd like take me to. Asked if I'd like to do this, that and the other with him etc. After this the texts were a mix of usual chat and some more sexual. We seemed to end up "sexting" and discussing what we like sexually. Unexpectedly, he turned up at work to see me. He could only stay a minute While I was on a break. We talked and had a kiss then he went. Later the same day he gave me what is apparently his work phone number so we can keep in touch while he's at work. (he has only text off this since he gave it to me. We did continue texting a mix if usual chat and "sexting". I did say that he should be careful as he doesn't want me falling for him and I made light if this. He asked why not and I said not unless he was prepared to catch me and that I'm not as light as I look. His response was that fingers crossed we carry in gettin on like we are!!He was aware I had family coming to stay and I knew he would be tied up with family. Texts have been very lacking compared to usual and any affectionate content has disappeared. As before he will randomly send only a line of kisses and is usually 1st to text good morning. Today he has been quite weird in hardly texting. He did txt 1st to say morning. I txt back and asked if he was ok. He said he was at work and what was I up to. I said going out with family and he said he wished he was coming (we've not met family/friends yet) I thought I'd do what he does and after a couple of hours sent him a line of kisses to let him know I'm thinking about him although I'm busy!Given he's been unusually quiet the past 3-4 days I thought I'd just check in tonight and ask if/when might see him again. He said of course he wants to see me and asked if I'm working next day.I said i'm not so he checked my availability (family still here) and he asked me if I wanted to do something during the day )all face to face contact has been during the day so far). I agreed and asked time/place. He asked when I can be free and we can do anything I want. I have given him the where and when and not heard back but was late so I'm guessing he'll text me 1st thing to confirm. (please note all time together has been doing activities that don't cost anything other than coffee and lunch. He has openly said he can afford to retire in 10yrs and is looking at buying house/new car soon but that doesn't interest me! Going for a walk and talking and holding hands means more to me than anything money can buy) I'm slightly concerned he's agreeing to meet up cause I said if/when does he want to see me again? I didn't mean for one second for this to sound like a demand or neediness. I just wanted to check in and make sure we're ok given the dying down of communication! I do really like him. The only thing we've brought up future wise is kids and the fact neither of us want any more. I'm quite confused about the whole situation and part of me is saying to go with the flow but the other half is saying to ask what his thoughts are! (I know this could send him running) I'd appreciate your thoughts where possible. Of course I might have already seen him again by time this gets approved! If so I will update ASAP! Thanks in advance x
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a break, at work, kissing, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): You dont really know how many other ladies he might be seeing like this. He is certainly spreading his net wide and still trying to talk to women, so I can understand you feeling a little insecure. It would be nice to think on meeting us, guys instantly stop looking for anyone else and devote their attention exclusively to us, while decisions are made about compatibility and attraction.
As it is. It will be very difficult for him to give you his whole, undivided attention and decide anything serious if he is still sizing up other womens profiles and shmoozing them too! I am afraid the temptations of internet dating makes it nigh on impossible to date the old fashioned way. That being (generally) one person at a time. Even the `nicest` people can carry on a double life of online multiple dating and square it away in their heads as not REALLY cheating! But for my money. If you want to date someone and they want to date you, then you should stop looking for others. Full stop. Call me old fashioned but if the need is still there to seek out others, then the chemistry is off and there should be NO sex. So at the very least, dont sleep with him unless you are not bothered about casual sex.
For now I would go a little quiet with him, start looking online again and keep your options open too. Enjoy your time with him on Saturday and let him do the chasing. If he thinks you are worth it, he will pursue you, discover you are still going online and ask you to stop! Then you can bring up the matter of him being online too and both can agree to stop multiple dating. That is what you should be looking to see from him. If none of that happens then he is not that interested I am afraid.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 June 2012):
 Hi
Just tread carefully, treat it lightly, you barely know him. If he takes you out and takes time to get to know you,good. One thing that sticks out is the fact he texts you from a work phone and pops out from work to see you. I hope he isn't married. Ask about where he lives, tell him you may want to surprise HIM with a visit .
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A
female
reader, Whatamuddle +, writes (6 June 2012):
Whatamuddle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate- He picked me up from home knowing my family are here. We went for albert walk and coffee. Chatted about what we'd been up to etc. he put his hand on my knee while driving and said he'll have to get an automatic next to make that easier! At the the place we went he said he wondered if they did weddings. I didn't really react or know how to to that other than to say I didn't know.He said he was actually skiving off work to be with me. Had been there before and was going straight back there. We kissed and cuddled as before. I couldn't pluck up the courage to ask what was happening with us! He asked when I'm free to do something on an evening. I said Saturday and he said we'll to try plan something. Everything seems to be ok but I have a niggle! I know he's been online and talking to others as a friend said she'd come across him and he'd said hi - initiating contact with her and as she knows I've been dating him she's chosen to ignore him. I understand he might be keeping his options open until a decision is made about us and it either turns into a relationship or fizzles out but I'm really feeling a little insecure and unsure right now. I've never been needy or this afraid a guy will change his mind!! God this is so difficult!!!! Opinions welcome x
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