A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend confuses me. We fell madly in love and we've been through heaven and hell together but it made us strong. But he is very manipulative and spiteful. We argue and he always manages to turn it around on me somehow even though I know I havent done anything wrong to him. He flys off the handle for no particular reason because he gets depressed. I always try to make him better whether it means leaving him alone with his thoughts or doing whatever it takes to make him happy. Sometimes I feel I am too nice. Last night we had a huge row. My mum was sending me money today so we could drive to his familys house for christmas. She phoned me last minute and said "I don't know if I get paid tonight midnight or tomorrow midnight but I'll transfer you money no matter what" I told my boyfriend the situation saying we might have to drive a day later but maybe not - He spat in my face and told me he hates me and that he wishes I was dead. He went into a huge spiteful rant. We're supposed to be going to my mums in a month - after me and my boyfriend argued I spoke to her and she said she didn't want him in her house which is fair enough. So now he's angry. All he does is drink - never takes me anywhere - unlike before - has no money and I pay for everything but somehow he manages to convince me that I should show some appreciation for all the things he's done for me. He hasn't done one single thing I can think of. But when I tell him he should appreciate the massive things I've done he tells me "if you cast up one more time I'll hit you" I'm tied to him because I know without me he'll drink himself to death or take heavy drugs and I'd feel it was my fault because I ran away from it. But at the same time know I deserve more and with him in my life - mine goes no further and I'm only 21 and he's 24. How does he always manage to be so selfish and lay the blame on me for everything when I've done nothing but support him and help him rebuild his life and for the first time in his life have a secure home. I want to run but I'd feel like a huge part of me was gone and jealous if he met someone else and treated them better than he treats me. Which at the moment is terribly. If he doesn't want me why won't he let go. He says he loves me but why does he also say he hates me, twists my head and manipulates me and yet feels no guilt or remorse? I'm not sure what my exact question is but I need some advice. Is there some condition where people consider themselves blameless even though they've caused things and evenfeel proud of the themselves for the things that other people have done which they themselves are convinced are their own handy work? Confused??? I have to live him.
View related questions:
christmas, depressed, drugs, jealous, money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 December 2009):
It's called narcissism, which basically means he's selfish and into himself. And it can't be stopped. So dump him and find someone who will actually love you.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 December 2009):
Yes, the condition your boyfriend has is that he's a HORRIBLE PERSON!
The reason he does this is that you LET HIM.
It's far easier for him to just blame you and then make you apologise and suck him off. Why should he be nice when he can do that? It's a lot less work to spit in your face than it is to buy you flowers.
If you chose to stay with him any longer then you know you CHOOSE to accept that behaviour. Or you could do what the rest of us would do and DUMP HIM and find a man who isn't the scum of the earth.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
