| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I have been involved with a woman at work for the last few months. We have known each other for over two years. She has a live-in boyfriend and her actions seem to dictate that she is not completely happy with him. I am not sure about all of this and from time to time I pull back a little, more out of frustration than anything else. I do not see a clear ending in sight, and I do not believe she is ever going to leave her boyfriend (they have a 2 year old daughter together).The problem is, when I pull back for a few days, or put some kind of distance between her and myself at work, she will respond by doing little things to see if I am still interested or not. I get the impression she is worried about loosing me for some reason, or at least losing the dream of me. It's confusing because if she is making no obvious effort to break it off with her boyfriend, then why would she be concerned about me getting tired of the situation and giving up on her?I know it may sound like she is playing games with me, but I am convinced her "fears" of me giving up and pulling away are real. I do not believe she is playing a game but rather looking for a way out of her current relationship.The questions I have are this...Is it possible that she has already decided to leave her current boyfriend, regardless of their daughter, but she is waiting for the "right" time to make that move? Maybe to wait and be certain that I am the one for her?And, is her "fear" of me pulling back a good sign or a bad sign for me? Does it mean that she cares about me more than I have been led to believe?Any insight or help would be appreciated.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): Well, your post was very helpful for me..I'm actually in the female side of your situation. I am married, have been for 5 years, have 2 young girls.. My marriage has sucked for 3 years pretty much and I've wanted to leave since then. But anyway..I've kinda gotten involved with this guy at work, and he does the same thing you seem to..every once in a while he will pull back a lil. I was unsure before why he did this, but I see now that this is a possibility. I think I may have made it a little easier though since I have finally decided the that I am going to leave my husband, and I did tell this other guy this as well.. It took alot of time, and it was a hard decision to make, especially with kids.. Hope this helps ya see her side of things a little bit better :) oh...and the "fear" thing? I would see it as a good thing, at least..it is in my case, I want him around, and I totally hate when he backs off..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): I disagree with the previous reader becasue I am married and about to break up, have been thinking about it for years, but in the past year I fallen for a guy at work. I really want to be closer to him, but my head is trying to rule my heart and stop things getting too complicated. When this guy at work needs support (as he has recently had a broken marriage) I try to nurture him along as I feel genuine sympathy and care about him, then when I feel I am losing control I step back again. I am not playing any games of having fun with his emotions, I just feel so at ease when I am around this new guy, we click on everything, but I also don't want to hurst him or myself by confusing things any more than they are. I am hoping that over the next 6 months I can solve the problem of moving out, get used to a period on my own, then I really hope fate will step in and allow me to have a real relationship without 3 being a crowd. Your friend is probably very confused and struggling with making the right decision without involving you. Yet she probably realises that you have come along too soon and doesn't know what to do about it. It is so easy for other people to say break it off, or move away as life is not that simple. Just be around for her, take the good and bad, keep your head on your shoulders and if you really want her yourself, just be patient and let nature takes its course.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): I'm telling you this because I know from experience: She is playing games with you. She is having her cake and eating it too. I've done this with guys: they'll leave me alone for awhile and I'll do what I can to bring them back to me and then when I get them close again, I'll push them away. If she really wanted to leave her current boyfriend, she would've by now.
...............................
|
