A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello i have a difficult father i found out from the a young age that i could not trust him as he used to twist my words just to be always right. It broke me to have a father i cant trust so i limited my conversations with him but he would create problems to get at me, example if iam eating and he sends me to make tea for him i would say ok let me finish my food soon after he would come and beat me and throw my plate and tell mom that i was rude. He did not want me to have friends cause he thinks they might have brothers who might like me, also no standing at the balcony cause a man might see me, then it came to stopping me from work with threats but i was determined to find a job since he could not even feed me.I fought hard for 2 years until i worked. Then i met someone and wanted to meet my father so i told himThe first reaction was disgust then anger then who is it ,soon he said i cant people i dont no, i told him then how will you know them if you dont meet , he said i dont know his parents I cant meet him. Now iam single and 34 and he still shouts at me when i talk on the phone and asks who is that! thinking its a man after looks at me in disgustHe has been twice divorced before my mom doesnt ask about his other kids and never talks about them .the thing is that we are leaving in another country for over 30 years so its difficult for me to leave the houseSo my question is do you think this is control or abuse!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): Hi
Thanks for the replies, Iam from Africa but we live the middle east which is a male a dominated society i have a job , and i have saved enough money to leave.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): It's both! This man is sick and the best thing you can do is move out because he is really holding you back. If you can't move out, keep him out of your life as much as possible, especially with men you date. He is not a healthy individual and he will destroy your spirit.
I am sorry you have to deal with this. We all deserve good parents, but the norm is quite the opposite. It is really positive, however, that you able to recognize this kind of behavior as unhealthy.
Good luck to you! Keep us posted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): You have a cruel and abusive father. If you are financially dependent on this man, what advice can anyone offer you if you cannot get out to support yourself? If he is cruel as you describe, you already know that he is abusive.
You live in a another country. You depend on this man for your very survival, so there is little that we can say, we can only offer you our sympathy. Until you gain your own independence, you will remain his victim. You have to find a job. Then you will have to move out and find a place to live.
You can find a female roommate to share living expenses.
I don't know what country you are from or presently living in. So we don't know what is culturally acceptable. Many countries allow men to be as cruel as they want to women.
So your question isn't really if he is abusive. You really want to know how to get away from him. I'm afraid that is something you will have to figure out based on where you live, and what is allowed by law.
If you are a timid woman who allows him to abuse you, not even the law can help you. If your mother allows it, I feel sorry for her too. Sympathy is all we can offer.
You haven't provided enough information about your country, your culture, or where you are.
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