A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Bailey here again from relationship hell. For those of you who didnt read my questions yesterday let me bring you up to date. My boyfriend and i recently moved in together and when i came home on the second night he standing there naked and wanted to have sex. Now we've only known each other for six months and i thought he would be content with us moving in together. But i was wrong and we had some really rough sex and then when i woke up the next morring i was covered in bruises. i then expressed my interest of not having sex for a while and he looked like he was okay with that. Then the next night he told me how great i was in bed and we started kissing and he tried to take my shirt off and i pushed away. (read my first questions on yesterdays board regarding that.) then right after i posted that my guy came in with my name tatooed on my back. then we had some more rough sex and i had even more bruises on my body. then last night he woke me up and said sorry for hurting me and i found that really sweet and so this time he actcually made an effort not to hurt me even though i did get some new bruises. So my questions are.1. is our relationship built totally on sex?2. should i move out?3. do you think we should see a therepist?4. is he using me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Bailey, I can't answer all of these questions for you and neither can any one else based on the information that you have given us.
The bottom line is pay attention to how YOU FEEL, not what this guy is doing. YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP AND TALK ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS WITH HIM, TELL HIM YOU DO NOT LIKE ROUGH SEX AND YOU ARE TIRED OF LOOKING LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN BEAT UP GET PASSIONATE ABOUT TELLING HIM THIS AND THEN TAKE YOUR DISTANCE AND YOUR POWER BACK UNTIL HE APOLOGIZES TO YOU FOR HURTING YOU ONCE AGAIN AND HE STATES HIS INTENTIONS.
That said, how can we ever tell if someone is just using us for sex? Does he show caring and love towards you? Does he tell you he loves you? Does he ask how you are and really mean it? Has he introduced you to all of his family and important people in his life? Does he talk about the future more than 3 months out and include you in it? Does he abuse you by not caring how you feel? Is he verbally abusive? Is he really self centered and selfish?
Did he move in with you without making a commitment of marriage to you? Then he might be using you for sex and the convenience of sharing the bills.
Only you can make this choice, this decision. It seems to me that you FEEL that he is too ROUGH, it seems to me that you FEEL he is using you, it seems to me that you FEEL you should not have to have sex with him before you are ready regardless of how long you have been together.....It seems to me you FEEL there are a set of rules about this, that you OWE him sex because you moved in with him. YOU DON'T.
WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO IS MAKE SURE YOU ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE.
I personally am totally against living together this early in a relationship, if at all before marriage, it doesn't help the relationship at all and is usually an indication of the immaturity of the partners involved....sorry.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): It sounds like his idea of good sex is not what yours is. You sound like you're being violated. It seems that now you live together he thinks you are his object to be literally vandalized. You should speak up and tell him this is very uncomfortable for you. Tell him if you do not feel that your feelings and wishes are being respected then you or he will have to move out.
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