A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright. This, I'm sure is probably a common (ish?) situation. I'm seventeen. I look older than I am, (around early twenties, so I've been told), so that might explain a little bit of this situation. At my job, there's a guy, he's married and about to be 27. We flirt a lot - he tries to scare me, sometimes he touches me (in a little more than friendly manner, but nothing suspect), and he calls me gorgeous, beautiful, sweetheart, etc. obviously, this only happens when we're alone. when we are in front of other people, he tries to monopolize the conversation with me and seems to be putting the other guys down.i guess my question is, if i enjoy this(and i do, but i know i'm being stupid), should i pursue it and have a little fun? does anyone suppose it's anything more than friendliness? sometimes we just stop and stare at each other, right in the middle of what we're doing, and i feel real stupid for saying this part - but i makes me feel like there are butterflies in my stomach. just takes my breath away, you know? i'm a virgin, and i've always thought i'd like to be with an older man my first time (i'm not planning to be with him, but he would be ideal...), just so it wouldn't be completely terrible.i could definitely use your advice aunts(and uncles?haha)
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 The potential for a relationship is there but...he is married and out of bounds.
You can have fun as long as you stay within the bounds of decency and morality.
This friendship is bobby trapped and full of landmines. If you are not careful, you will destroy or hurt yourself badly.
Many are well aware of the dangers but they do not know what they are dealing with. You can be swept away and end up in an affair.
From innocent chit chats to dinners, movies and ending up in bed in a hotel room.
You can enjoy a little attention and flirting but know your limits and boundaries.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Ok, first of all, take two steps back and try and look at this with a bit of objective.
Firstly, he is married, therefor he should be totally off limits to you.
He sounds like a total ass, because he is essentially flirting with you, a teenager, knowing fully that he is married. This should give you warning bells instantly. He has no concern for his wife's feelings, so he probably doesnt care about yours either. He is cheating on his wife, by flirting with you. And you are encouraging him, which makes you just as responsible. IF this did go further, you would be his mistress, and could well be the reason for a divorce. Do you want that?
You are still very young, and naive, and you dont fully understand how guys work. They like to tease, and joke, and push their luck. Usually they dont give two hoots about the girl, it is a game. He sounds like a player. If you pursue this, you will get burnt. He will not leave his wife, and you will be used and dumped.
I am 26, and I can honestly say, I would NEVER have a relationship, sexual or other wise with a 17 year old boy. It would be wrong on so many levels. You are a child to him, not a woman, even if you look older than you are. It is down to behaviour and knowledge, and you cant fake that.
He knows you are inexperienced, and he is playing on it. You are flattered by his attentions, and he can see that clear as day. This man would probably take your virginity, and then dump you like a hot cake as soon as he got what he wanted. You would feel totally used, and it would crush your confidence. Do you really want your first time to be a soulless one night stand, with someone who doesnt care about you, and will never want to be with you?
What his actions amount to, is sexual harrassment in the workplace. That is unsuitable behaviour, especially as he only does it when no one is about, he KNOWS it is wrong.
The best thing you can do, is walk away from this man as fast as you can, and treat him as a professional collegue only. If you cannot do that, then I really do think you would be better off finding somewhere else to work. This man will only lead to trouble and heartache for you.
Dont fall into his trap.
Take care
Tiger
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A
female
reader, purplewasabi +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Honestly, I'm the same age and I've thought about the same thing ! I'm in almost exactly the same situation. I, personally, will not act on it - a mixture of the guy being a brother of an old friend of mine, and just because I'm really not ready threaten someone's happy marriage. I would really consider thinking about your man's wife and the family he could have, and the damage you would be causing them. =/ I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to put aside your physical need for such things.
I think if you're unable to look past him and treat him professionally in the workplace you should talk to him about it, challenge his actions and flirtatious ways, or consider leaving your workplace. The latter might be extreme, depending on how you really feel about him and how dominant his presence if over you at work.
Good luck, and be safe.
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