A
male
age
51-59,
*undance71
writes:So, there's a new lady started at work. At first there was little interaction between us. But now there is lots of eye contact and what seems to be a certain smile from her that I don't see anyone else get. Not to mention that she is eager to respond when I greet the team each morning. Whenever I talk to her she is doing the touching of the upper chest, even if there isn't always eye contact, mainly as she is sat at her pc and looking between me and the screen. As she passes my cubicle she always looks in and smiles. But...I'm her department manager. Could it be that she is just trying to make a good impression with her new boss. I've never got involved with people I work with and I don't want to appear unprofessional by making a move and then ending up with egg on my face. Can someone advise me please?
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male
reader, sundance71 +, writes (1 April 2013):
sundance71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys. First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts. After a lot of contemplating, I've decided to do nothing. There is far too much at stake to risk something like this. I don't know what I was thinking but at least I won't go making an idiot of myself. Cheers
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): I'm going to add another caveat and let you use your common sense. Isn't it a coincidence that she is so happy to make acquaintance with the boss? If you want to get a leg up ahead of the rest, brown nose or flirt with the boss.
The other people in the department will be very resentful if she gets preferential treatment. All eyes are on you two. If the other employees notice too much hanky-panky, somebody is going to take it to YOUR boss. Your boss is going to notice the unprofessional interactions between you two, and may fire the both of you.
Treat her like an employee. Respect her as a person. Nothing can go wrong with that. Satisfy your urges outside the office.
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A
female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (16 March 2013):
I think you might do well to listen to wise owl. It's a situation that could get awkward and even unpleasant.
If you want to proceed, I would do so only if both you and she are free, and even then with great caution and very slowly.
You say she's new so I think you are both moving to quickly. And when you say she is touching the chest, I hope you mean her own and not your chest. And even then.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): Life is all about taking chances. If you feel she is giving you the look and smiles, then this means something. Women do not do that to men easily, only to someone they are attracted to. I do not give long glances and smiles to random men. I can guarantee that. I go out of my way to avoid them because I would not want every guy to think I was interested.. If I give a guy the look, rest assured I really like him.
Maybe feel her out a little more? I don't believe all this stuff about don't date someone you work with. When cupid's arrow strikes, it strikes. Maybe put the idea out there by hinting at getting together for a coffee. Do something in a leading way where you see if she will take the hint, maybe without being too forward but do it in a way that your intentions are understood. In other words, lay out the bait for her. She will be the one who chooses whether or not to bite.
What common interests do you share? If there are some, ask her about them and see if they can bring you together somehow. It is all in how you deliver it. Be friendly and casual about it. But you will need to take the lead. She will probably not do it because it is a work environment and you are her boss so she is definitely going to hang back if she did like you.
If she is not receptive, just leave it at that and maintain a work relationship. If she is, well, go for it. Life is too short. Just understand the possible consequences of this relationship if it did ever end. But remember even if you think you can handle it, once you're in the relationship, there may be some complications due to your work situation. But that does not automatically spell disaster. Like any relationship, if you are that attracted to her and want to make it work, you can.
I know plenty of people who have worked together and dated. And some of them went on to get married. It does work out. I have seen it. I do not see a problem with it as long as you both remain professional in the work place and do not bring any of your personal feelings or issues there. Keep them strictly separate.
You decide what is best in your own heart as long as you understand the possible challenges of the relationship within this environment. But I have seen these relationships work out. Better to take a chance than continue pining over her and wondering "what if" all the time... This way you will have your answer and you can either go out together or move on...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): I think that if you like her maybe you should talk to her more. Ask her her interests and see if you are compatable. Find out if she had a boyfriend or partner. And go from there. If she seems to like your company ask her for a drink or a dinner one night.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2013): Keep your hands above the desk, your zipper up, pants on, and maintain a professional attitude! You're her boss!What if she's setting you up? Your company could be in for a major sexual-harassment suit. Where have you been all these years that you don't know any better? She's new, and as far as you're concerned, maybe she just likes her new job! She might be highly offended if you took it any other way.Leave her alone, regardless! You don't know her!I think it's wishful thinking on your part. Go ahead, make yourself an easy target! You've made it clear you're receptive to unprofessional advances. It'll be a different story when the poop hits the fan!What are you paid to do? Then do it!KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL. Jobs are hard to come by these days.
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