A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello Cupid friends, I have been married 3 years but with my hubby for 7years.Here is my issue: I think my MIL talks crap behind my back maybe even bringing ex GF's names up? to break us up so he will move back home across the country to mother but I might just be paranoid?!?! When my husband first got on the phone MIL started in on something and said, oh I thought you knew and my hubby got really nervous and a said uh I am at home at not at work. Then she wouldn't talk she put another family member on the phone. Then later she got back on the phone to ask my hubby to call her when he was at work. He kind of didn't answer her and just gave her the run around and a generic answer When I confronted him about it he told me I was paranoid and just got a sheepish look and got really quiet and started drinking wine and started to clean extra hard. It might be just my paranoia and we do needed to clean because people are coming over in a few days but it seemed like avoidance to me. I asked him before he walked out the door not to call his mom from work because I "don't want any shananagans." He just looked weird wouldn't look me in the eye and said I am not going to argue about this anymore and that he was going to work. So is it my paranoia or is she stirring the "Pot"? Are all mother in laws evil people? Is there anything I can do to valadate my suspicions? Any advice on how to handle this? Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): I am the original poster of this question.
redathena, Thanks for your answer I am eavesdropping if we call her together on
sunday to talk on speaker phone. He just started the convo and had not put it on speaker yet. Yes I would like to have a boundry of him only talking to her when I am around.
I like her as a person but I do not trust her. I know she has said things behind my back after I put on a 15lbs. My hubby never mentioned it. Not until after she visited us.
I find her to be manipulative.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Not all MIL's are evil. Some are Divine.
I think you need to focus on your relationship with your husband and not what your MIL is doing,saying or what motivates her.
You married HIM, not her. You said you THINK she is talking about exes and that you might be paranoid.
You are reacting to things that may or not be factual. You do not really know are true. Your husband's response showed that this is not a new situation.
You might be the only person instigating some drama in your own home. You did put him on the spot and he reacted in a defensive way. Maybe he feels he needs to talk to his Mom at work, because of your eavesdropping?
What boundaries do you need to discuss with your husband? You do not want to alientate him from his family or you.
What are reasonable expectations from him? Are you suspicious of HIM? For what?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): That's definitely not normal behavior and it sounds like he is hiding something from you. I would call up the MIL and ask her what she was talking about. And if she gets an attitude, ask her, if she was in your situation wouldn't she want to know? There should be no secrets between husbands and wives. Or better yet, next time your husband is there, ask her in front of him. If he says, "I'm not talking about this..." and walks away. Simple, do what most women do. Don't give him any, don't talk to him, don't cook for him, clean for him, etc. Make him see how much he should value you. If his secret is worth protecting over all that, then it is definitely worth knowing don't you think? Good luckPS. Tell the MIL you don't appreciate her mentioning his ex GF. That he is your husband know, and you respect her being his mother, but that she wouldn't like someone talking about her husbands ex's and that it is plain disrespectful and rude.What's the worst that can happen? it sounds like she's already a bitch...
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