A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently split from my boyfriend of almost four months. Things were going well, but like all relationships, there were flaws. However, since the split, we both miss each other and feel that we ended too soon. At the beginning, we decided to remain friends and stay in touch. I get the feeling we just need space and thinking time, but I'm not sure whether staying in touch, like before is wise. Please advice. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lovestrength  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Did you share a good friendship with him before being in a committed relationship? It's hard to get over any hurt that had come out of the bf/gf relationship, but if you're both looking past of all that, then maybe it is possible to remain good friends.
However, it sounds like both of you are thinking that there is still a possibility to be together happily. I suggest to continue to date. Learn how each other behaves in a gf/bf relationship,with eyes open, not just with the heart-- meaning, try to control the emtional part and the projection of a future together. Sometimes when we think too much of the picture we want to see (being together in a certain way), it blinds us of how we are today.
good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): First off you have to decide what it is you want. Staying friends is a good idea if you want to get back together with him. But these flaws you talk about were enough for you to break up once they'll probably still always be a factor depending on what they are, so a relationship with him might not be possible.
The only way it's possible to be friends with an ex is if a. you're fully over him (no romantic feelings or intentions) and b. you have closure.
From what you were saying about feeling it ended too soon I don't think you have either of those.
I think the most important thing here though is that your gut is telling you it needs time away from him, the fact that it is telling you that you need space and time is the biggest factor. Always trust your gut, do what you feel you need to. Staying friends with an ex is risky as contact with him will keep the flame alive and not allow you to properly move on.
If getting back with him is what you want then that's a good thing but if you want to get your head together and sort out what you want then you'll need to break contact for a few weeks. He should have no problem with this as it is the best thing to do. Absolutely no contact for a month and you should know by the end of it what's best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (5 November 2010):
 In my humble opinion no its not wise. It will affect future relationships.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dizme +, writes (5 November 2010):
That is tough. It sounds like you both need closure. Staying friends after a break up is hard to do and it can affect future relationships. I for one am a guy who does not like my current gf to be all buddy buddy with her exes. I don't mind occassional contact but hangin with an ex is hard to do, unless the ex and you make it clear to the new bf that it is not anything more and prove it. The reasons you broke up if they are still there is not good. It sounds like you both are trying to make sure the other isn't going to date a new person and hold each other back from moving on. I say the best thing is get closure then after time and being on your own for a while friendship may be a possibility. But always remember why you broke up and analize if those things have changed or your feelings about them have changed before proceeding.
...............................
|
