A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, so this man that I am going out with now (Which happens to be a gentleman, sweet man, really good, I have never gone out with a man like this. he is quite older, he is 46 and I am 29 going to be 30. Anyways he was married for 10 years and now he is divorced NO KIDS, his ex wife is way older than him she is almost 60, weird but true!!, and they still speak, and the other days she called him an he did not answer, but he had told me before that she calls him and asks him to go to her house an fix her car or to do this or that.She lives in another city like 2 hours from were we live. he told me that he appreciates her very much, but he cannot even have the thought of kissing her or anything, he wants her very much, appreciates her but that's it. so I did get a little jealous and my mind was wondering, if he still has feelings for her rooted in him. its not like he talks all the time about her, but when he mentions his past and brings her up, I feel weird.he was 31 when he married her and she was around 44, I wonder if he married her for his papers to be here in the states. The other days his ex wife called him while he was driving an I was next to him. he does not know that I know her name, I did my searching. and well the point is that he did not pick up and he was like anxious for her to drop the call. why did he not pick up in FRONT OF ME?!! sounds suspicious doesn't it?Another thing is: it seems to me he does not have as much money as I thought for driving a Mercedez Benz (not a new one, but one from a few years back) and also for working in an engineer company doing inspections,,by the age that he has he should live in an apartment,he is living in an efficiency cause he does not want to rent, he wants to buy a place fix it up an put it to rent, so with the rent from that place he lives free in an apartment. honestly I don’t know why he is doing all this confusing investing thing it does not make sense to me due to :1-his age and 2-the place he works at. he should HAVE a good amount of money by now.He is now looking for some places with a real state agent,the woman called him yesterday 2 times and I was with him, I wonder if something is going on that I am not aware of!!, I mean he said she is helping him to find a place and he is helping her with a project of towelettes, I don't understand this, I wonder if he slept with her or what. He told her twice when she called, that he was with me,(he called me by my name),Does this woman even know about me how would this be possible?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): You are over 16 years younger than your boyfriend. But you think it is weird that he married someone who was 13 years older than him. You think it's okay for older men to go out with much younger women, but not for older women to go out with older men.
And you only seem worried that you got picked up by one of them who isn't as rich as you thought.
Why not spend some time reflecting on your own - it seems rather dubious - values, instead of trying to figure out his?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018):
People who have lots of money and money making schemes going on NEVER tell people how much money they really have. This is especially true of people working with property.
They don't want to be taken advantage of by gold-diggers and they don't want other people to know exactly how they make their money because they don't want them to find ways to get a business advantage over them. They usually have a very 'close knit' network of business contacts and they keep any friendships and intimate relationships very separate, usually choosing people who they think cannot keep up with them intellectually or who don't have the wherewithal to figure out what exactly is going on; this allows them to switch off from their business side of things, but it also means they feel in control, knowing that the other person has no real clue what is going on behind the scenes.
They never disclose exactly how they make their money and they will ALWAYS make out that they are poorer than they are. One simple reason for this is also tax avoidance. Another reason is that they are syphoning money off elsewhere - possibly even another country, where they have another home, family and / or children.
If this man has no kids at 46 then, unless he has a medical problem or dislikes children, it's usually a sign that he has other issues - men like this can be very selfish and want to be the child themselves, in a relationship, and / or they are obsessed with creating a life only for themselves where everything and everyone must fall into place around them. They are often incapable of genuine intimacy and go for superficial values.
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A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984  +, writes (16 March 2018):
His financial situation is none of your business. It sounds to me that you were expecting a rich older man but sadly got a working class gentleman.
There is nothing wrong with his investment ventures. They are not yours and I'd advise keeping your nose out of his affairs.
Everyone comes with a past, even you. You shouldn't assume anything as I'm sure you wouldn't want him to so the same with you.
Everyone in his life does not need to know about you unless you plan to marry so relax or you'll chase this man away with your insecurities.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2018): Having worked in the property development sector over here in the UK, I can tell you that anything to do with developing property to make money and / or estate agents will always have a level of corruption going on and, the more that you get to know about it, the more complex this corruption will emerge as being. This won't be evident at first, but it will definitely be lurking in the background. Typically, the people that get involved in making money in this way are only in it for the money and, to become that way, it means cutting out a lot of emotions and empathy for others, in order to operate ruthlessly. What you will find is a lot of focus on making excellent impressions on a surface level - flashy cars are one of the things that are part of this and young women for older men is just part of that whole image building scenario.It's all too easy to be judgemental and unkind to older women simply because they no longer look like younger women - and your post comes close to doing this. But bear in mind that, whatever the initial reason for getting involved with this man, his ex-partner is now older and wiser and she made a decision to put up a boundary with him. It sounds like they developed a deep friendship and a form of love for one another, but she got wise to his ways and got out to protect herself. Of course he still loves her - she's probably a very nice person who acted like a protective and guiding mother figure for him. Don't fool yourself into thinking he had the upper hand and discarded her just for her change of look when she matured - she probably got out when she gained the wisdom and insight that you are now struggling to find. And don't fool yourself into thinking that this guy loves you - you are young, that is all, and you are like the flashy car for him.
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