A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my, as of last week, ex girlfriend for about 3 years now. She broke it off. I've been in bad relationships and understand most problems. I'm a very nice guy...and everyone says too nice...bringing her flowers just casue its wednesday, picking her up and driving her around, etc. Needless to say I do all this becasue I want to and I love her. She told me that she, after about 3 years, sees me as more of a friend that a boyfriend...which seems natural after this long...but the "friendship" she wants is not a normal friendship...She cheated on me, by cheat i mean make out with some guy, not the other kind...,the day before my birthday last year and broke up with me on my brithday. NOT the best brithday present. Just sayin.. We've broken up before and it seems we get into a cycle of: friends, friends with benefits, so close to a relationship...it basically is one, and then back together. When she was "getting her life together" last time she said that she wasnt happy and her happiness ended up being friends with benefits with me and making out with other guys and drinking 3 nights out of the week.I was ok with it for a while because we had been "exclusive kissers" lets say...besides everything else... And then One night she "got kissed by" another guy and I just had enough and made an ultimadum that she had to choose between being in a relationship with me or being actually single and us just being "friends"(fair I would think after 3 and 1/2 months of this...), and she chose me, but now tells me it was just out of fear of losing me and that i "forced her into this"...confused...i think so...she has a very immature best friend that influences most of the party behavior and is just plain dumb...am I getting the short end of the stick just because of her friend telling her she should break up with me? Does she actaully want to be with me?? Is she just afraid of a good thing going bad somehow?...i have asked her about moving in before...even marrige and the answer is always yes...is the problem only taking the next step?...thats what it seems.Thanks,Confused Beyond Belief
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 June 2010):
My ex girlfriend cheated on me on my birthday, so I know how that feels. And it is lousy. The way I looked at is was this. I was a nice guy, I brought the flowers, was kind, said all the right things and tried to be understanding and all that. I really did. It didn't work. Why? Because no matter how nice I am, I can't take on a woman with problems and make her better. That was the problem. She had problems, and I was trying to be kind to her to help her. That's not the way to have a relationship. In many ways, I think you're doing the same thing. I think you've taken on a girl with problems, and you're being so nice to her to make her feel great. Except, it's not your job to solve her problems. It's hers. This relationship isn't going anywhere. You need to end it and find another girl who is more settled in life that you can be nice to. You need to let this one go.
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