A
male
age
30-35,
*eartmender
writes:I'm a little confused... But I'll give some background info first. When I was about 12-15 this girl and her mum came to the same church as me. She (the girl) was really pretty and i was quite infatuated with her at the time. I never saw anyone else speak to them or make them feel welcome and I really wanted to make friends with them but because I was young and shy of pretty girls at that point it never happened. Then they stopped coming and I felt really guilty, like I'd spiritually murdered her or something through not helping them (sounds weird I know, but I take my religion and the bible quite seriously, but thats a seperate topic...). Well, recently I found out that she'd actually just moved to the congregation in the town next-door to mine, so I went over with some friends and got introduced but we didn't get long to chat. Last Saturday,though, I met her and her mum randomly in a shop and we were talking fine, laughing and I got on well with her mum as well! I said I wanted to arrange some days out through the holidays and she gave me her number without me directly asking for it (!!!!). I texted her, no reply. Then I tried later, no reply. Then every few days (and I wasn't boring or repetitive, I was quite friendly and charming I thought, without being sleazy) until on Wednesday I phoned her to make sure the number actually worked, which it did. Again, we couldn't talk for long but she said it was a new phone and she couldn't work it all that well (hard to believe, considering how popular she must be, but anyway...), but then later that night I got a text from her saying that I 'seemed to be polite' and she 'didn't want to upset or offend' me but she doesn't fancy me 'if that's what this was about?'. I replied and said that I wasn't 'after' her in that way but rather just wanted to be a friend like I should have been before, then I explained things a bit. I finished with "knowing that i wasn't/am not after you in that way, do you still accept my offer of friendship? I'll respect your decision and treat it as final". Then she replied straight away with "of course I accept your friendship!" and some other things, thanking me for caring about her and her family and for being understanding etc. So, thinking everything's okay and I have a nice platonic relationship ahead, I text her a few days later and she doesn't reply. Then, as an addendum to my first text, I sent another. I also suggested that she might like to be pen-pals for a while before being invited all over the place by someone she'd barely spent 10 minutes talking to so that she'd know I'm trustworthy and won't get her into any awkward situations. I said nothing flirty, seductive or even mildly romantic, but I still got no reply! I'm confused because she doesn't seem the type to toy with someone like that, she's quite sweet, pretty, quiet and religious etc. so it seems out of character. Is it a rejection of my friendship, even though she happily accepted it just a few days before? Should I phone her to find out if she's actually got my texts (although what's the point in texting if you have to phone to make sure they get them?)? It just seems strange that she's blanking me considering how amiably we ended our last text 'conversation'. Also, why would a girl be so eager to give a guy her number if she had no interest in him as a friend or anything more? Am I just being naive? Is it some kind of test? Please help if you can...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): She either dislikes the whole texting thing, and prefers regular phone calls, which is how alot of people are, since texting's more impersonal than regular voice chats on many levels. Or, she has serious communication issues she needs to mature through, starting with at least responding in some way that doesn't include the silent treatment. Even if she doesn't want anything to do with you, she should still come right out, religion or not, and tell you that's how she feels. I would "phone" her one more time to ask her why she never replies, even though she says she'd like to be friends, and see what type of response she gives you. If she acts too stuck up then I would just give her ALOT of space, and not contact her near as much. Start with not at all, and if she at least contacts you once, then go from there. It doesn't seem worth chasing her, the way she's treating you, but try asking her before you stop all contact, why she's not giving you the time of day, but at the same time telling you she'd love to be friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): Wow umm... you really need to relax! She is unfortunately refusing your friendship, you came on pretty strong and she reacted the only way she knew how. You have to let things like friendship develop over time you can't just keep texting if there's never a reply first.
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