A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey,i am dating a 19 year old girl, and im 23. we met in december, quickly because close friends, and started to fool around. she had a short term boyfriend, whom after dating for two weeks, was sent to korea for half a year. she quickly there after was romantic with me, and i quickly fell in love with her. at first, she just considered me her best friend, and we would hang out and be goofy and have sleepovers. we then got intimate, had sex, and slowly got closer untill about 3 weeks ago when she finally asked me out. i was extatic! since dating, we had talked about maybe moving in to a place together, and our relationship was going great. then out of the blue, she got a job working 40hrs a week at a gas station. as soon as she found out she got the job (about a week ago), she has acted much more distant, telling me suddenly that i am smothering her. she then started sayin things like "i just want me time", and "let's not move too fast" out of nowhere. we had spent a lot of time together the week before she got the job, and she was a completely different girl. much more affectionate, sweet, funny, and relaxed around me. now i went from talking everyday, to trying to get ahold of her to ask about her job and how she's doing. She offered very short, sort of rude snippy answers, as if she didn't really want to talk about it. she said she needed to "figure stuff out" with her life, and she wouldn't be able to see me much due to her job. could this all be due to her being stressed out that im moving to fast? stressed about her new job? (her first job btw), or could she be hiding from telling me something more serious. i know she has had rocky relationships with assholes before, but i have been nothing but a sweet, real person, and she refuses to open up about anything involving what's wrong. am i over reacting? or does it sound like something's happening i am oblivious to? please help! thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): "..could this all be due to her being stressed out that im moving to fast? stressed about her new job? (her first job btw), or could she be hiding from telling me something more serious.."
Honestly, I tend to push my boyfriend away when I've had a frustrating day at work so I can see where she's coming from. She's working at a gas station for heaven's sake!!! Who knows how many people she's had to deal with and goodness, she's probably worried about her future. Not everyone wants to work at a gas station for the rest of their lives (though I dream of being a gas station attendant from time to time).
If you are being supportive and caring, just remember to give her some space. She'll need time to take a hot bath and calm down for those hectic days and the best you can do is sit and wait with open arms.
As for the more serious stuff that she's not telling you about, just wait and she will eventually lay her head on your lap looking for comfort. Be patient, be loving, and don't take anything too fast.
At the end of the day, pay yourself on the back for being a good boyfriend.
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