A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey is love really a bitch ?? i've been knowing this girl for quite a long time now, or do i, she asked me out, we dated, lasted 3 months, sex 2 weeks, then a day came, i snapped, she broke up. she dated my friend, then broke up, then another friend, now she is in a serious relationship. but she says she loves me.she's really moved up, yea, up means, she's quite popular now. she's very moody, at times she cries for not being together, next day she acts as if nothing ever went wrong. i havent been able to find anyone else, i kinda get lost in my own thoughts of being with her again, (she doesnt stay in the same country now)she doesnt speak unless i buzz her online, once in a while she sends me links to a porn site and goes offline.i'm not as bright as her in studies, so i think she hates me. i cant get over her!!! Y ? i havent found anyone who loves me! Y ?i quit smoking coz she hated it, but now she doesnt even ask me wots up! i dont believe this is the same girl who used to cry if i wasnt around!i feel lost ashamed when i am with couples. she doesnt show any signs. she's all lovy dovy with all guys. hugs and kisses every1. isnt she strange or am i overreacting! i cant get over her! it's killing me
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Your welcome. I'm sure things will get right back on track sooner then you think.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought seriously about all that you've suggested and I think it's time to make my move. I don't even want to ask her . Enough, man. I'll pull things off on my own and I'm sure I'll find someone soon. Your advice and support helped a lot bro. Cheers!
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (12 February 2011):
I'm sorry to hear this. If she isn't willing to be there for for then you need some closer on the matter and then cut her out completely so that you have a definite point tomove on from.
I think you should be very direct with her and tell her how you feel and that you do want to be with her. Don't take anything except a yes or no from her, nothing that is in between.
This seems to be one of those cases where because she is so distant it makes you attracted to her. I don't think that she is good for you however if she is doing this to you. Either way closer would be good for you. You are so hung up on this one girl and she sounds like she is trying to cut you out slowly which isn't really healthy.
I know it's tough but talking to her is the only way to get through this and I hope that you can accept what ever it is that she tells you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnow it's been almost a month & we have hardly spoken, she is very busy with her work, she had a nervous break down. i wrote her a long mail to tell her it's going to be fine, she replied buy saying thanks.
No inter-action? y such strangeness? i havent tried speaking to her either, i cried a few times beacause the recent developments in my career are not good.It's geeting hard for me to go in the country she is, it's getting postponed by a year.
how can come1 be so cold! how should i convey her the seriouness of the situation? the sincerety i have? i dont want her to get married to the other guy.
The other part of the story is that as u saud i tried to tell 3 girls that i wud not mind go become available & start thinking of a rel'ship. All of them seem to be interested. i took them out for dinners,coffees but it's not the same fun.
Y am i so fucking crazily attached with her? is this the reason my brain does not value the affection that these girls are showing me ??
wtf? help me bro!
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (1 February 2011):
It sounds like she is back and forth with her own emotions. I don't really think that it is her fault but I do think that she wants to be with you as well as someone else. She doesn't seem to be intentionally playing games with you but it still isn't going very well. I still have to say that it would be best not to talk to her any more.
Take some time for yourself to have some fun and relax.
Love will take time but I'm not saying that it can come out of the blue. Try to get out where you can meet someone and they will come by eventually. Instead of looking for your friends to set you up maybe you could just see if your intersted in any of them and they could come to a group event and you could meet them like that.
Hopefully you find someone as soon as you would be liked, don't be afraid to ask anyone who you are interested in. There's no point in holding back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe realist!! Hey thank you bro! I did what you suggested, I completely stopped reacting to her. I was being super nice to everybody else, even her friends and mom, but I seldom speak to her now.Then in January she comes back to her home country, we meet, I help her out immensly, like assist her getting 1/3 of her project work, we go shopping, I buy her a litte gift, we party, drunk, then move next morning. Then a day when we are at home, it starts off. We have great sex, she takes all the initiative. Just after we're done, it turns into a disaster. She says, she wants to marry this guy who is my good friend, have kids with him, and she doesn't plan to stay in her home country anymore. She says I should find someone! WTF??? I dont utter a word and pull off the situation. She goes back and it's been 18 days. NOT A SINGLE WORD, except "I haven't forgotten you, have 4 exams a day, talk soon :(" and a week before that I see photos of her, partying and drinking, on facebook. Why does she give excuses?? I didn't even go and say hi to her ever since she left. She, all by herself, comes up and says sorry for not being in touch. REALLY! WHAT IS THIS BRO?? I feel f*cked up. I want to fall in love again, what should I do?? I asked my close friends to set me up on a new date, they did not, no one has time, in fact I don't find time for myself too, but I want to be pampered, I'm all used to it.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (9 December 2010):
First off good for you for quiting smoking, that will help in what ever relationship you find yourself in. I wouldn't say love is bitch but lust is and this girl is doing what I have definitely had done to me in the past. She is presenting herself as something so great when really all the fun is in the chase but the relationship itself really sucks. That is not love at all and it took me quite awhile to figure that out.
My advice to you is cut her out of your life before you miss a real chance at love. It will hurt for a while but that isn't permanent at all. She seems to be playing games and you could be out finding a girl who will be true to you.
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