A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's the thing. I've been spending a lot of time with a girl, and we've become very close. We've been friends for years, but we've become very close over the past six months or so. She knows I am attracted to her, but she has said in the past that she doesn't see me like that, just as a friend. I'm very passive and inexperienced, and she knows that, too. I want more, but I am ok with being her platonic friend, if that's all I can have. Recently she did something that has me wondering. She's invited me over to watch erotic movies with her (not porn, but hot artsy stuff), alone, while her son is away. She doesn't strike me as the type to want to torment me, but watching hours and hours of hot videos with her alone in her bedroom (that's where the TV is) and then going home would be exactly that. But if this is her way of saying she'd like to change the nature of our relationship, I am all for that. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is very comfortable with me, and me with her. My being in her bedroom isn't at all unusual...that's where the TV is, and we hang out in there a lot, watching TV shows and the like. Never intensely erotic stuff like this before, though.
Movie night is tonight. I'm going to go, and if the proper moment arises, I'm going to make a move. If no such moment is there, or if she rejects my advance, I'm going to distance myself from her. She is intelligent and perceptive, so she's gotta know that I'm getting certain signals from this, and if she's sending those kind of signals without any intention of followthrough...well, that's kinda mean and I can't deal with that. I hope that's not how it is.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 May 2009):
I think you have to go with it and then put your arm round her and make a move.
If she turns you down then you'll know it's only friends.
She must know that this sends out the wrong signals.
If she does only want you to be friends then you need to get some space and stay away from her for a little while to get over her.
You can't keep following her around hoping for more. It's not good for you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): Maybe you should talk to her about it. Tell her you are still attracted to her and it is torment watching these videos if you can't have her as a girlfriend, and see what she says.
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