A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dealing with a lot of insecurities and issues recently but kept many of them to myself as I didn't want to seem "weak" or unattractive to a female friend I'm very very close with. Recently we were at a party and after seeing her talking with a couple guys, guys she knows I can't stand, I started talking and before I knew it all my insecurities came pouring out. It basically consisted of me asking her if I mean anything to her anymore. She assured me I still meant a great deal to her but I wasn't hearing her that night (the alcohol in my system didn't help either). After she told me what I said (because I had so much to drink I didn't remember much of it) I felt ashamed about what happened. I honestly didn't think she'd ever talk to me again. So I began taking a LONG look at myself and realized I became someone even I didn't recognize anymore. It's not an easy process, but I have begun addressing those problems and fixing them.In the meantime to my surprise, my friend has kept in touch with me. Not as often as before but still. On the one hand she still trusts me and talks to me like the friends we are. On the other, I have been asking her if we can get together so I can apologize in person and try to explain myself. But so far, she has not responded to that question. I know she leads a busy life (she's a single mom of 2 young kids with a full time job). As much as I don't want to question her word (which was another issue I developed), I'm starting to wonder if she's busy or this is her way of saying she's not ready. I'm not above begging to see her. But I don't want to seem desperate or needy (two more issues). Can I ask her if she intends to see me again or should I just trust she'll let me know when she's ready? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANK YOU for the advice. I should note that my alcohol consumption was the first problem I addressed and still am (AA). My friend was happy to hear I have been working on myself. It's been five weeks since the incident, though in reading your answers I realize now I'm simply going to have to be patient till she's ready. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 May 2009):
 Well first thing I would do is examine your drinking, since alcohol in reality always brings our true nature out. Perhaps maybe cutting down on the booze...it cant hurt.Second, I commend you for taking stock of what you feel are your issues. So many people wish to blame everyone else for their problems. but you are at least identifying them at this point.Is there any kind of affordable counseling or therapy where you live? I ask because since you are looking to yourself, maybe you should continue this initaitive and seek some. You want to be your best, and if you are seeing that you have issues, other certainly do as well (i.e. your lady you are interested in).Take some time to WORK ON YOU. You will be glad you did,and you may find that she is not right for you.As far as the lady in question, I wouldnt push it right now...take care of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbtw, my info was entered wrong. I'm in my early 20s, not late 30s.
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