A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I met this girl (from this site actually) and we have hit it off, and we are in a relationship, despite the fact we live hundreds of miles away form each other.I'm 19 and coming 20 in a few months. Her profile said she was '13-15'. Which I found out later because she would only say her age was between '13 and 16'.Now, I have found out through observing her articles that her ex was 5 years older than her. I asker her how old her ex was, and she told me 17.So this means that I am going out with a 13 year old!I haven't seen a photo of her yet, but does this mean I am a paedophile?I am infatuated with her, and she with me. But the age is scaring me. I'm convinced that I'm a paedophile, but not in the stereotype way. I seriously do NOT look at 13 year olds in the street and lust after them at all.All my loves, crushes and relationships have been with adults, the youngest was 16. So what does this mean? What do I do about it? I don't want to hurt her, thats the last thing I want to do. Please help!
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female
reader, Jackie63 +, writes (19 February 2009):
You're not a paedophile. It's hard to judge someone's age from online comments, particularly if that girl is quite mature. She could be 19 in her head, in spite of being 12 (if she's five years younger than her 17 year old ex, she's 12, not 13, sorry. :.)). I would suggest she didn't give you a photo of her yet because she knew you'd see she's just a child. As you said, you don't lust after children on the streets.
How can you be "in a relationship" with someone you never saw? By being always in touch? Internet sex? If you are having some sort of Internet sex with her by mail or something, you need to STOP, as a responsible adult, and tell her she's too young for you to do that to her. If all you do is talk to each other however then talk. If that infatuation becomes love, sure you could wait a few years. My grandfather was sixteen years ago than my grandma, obviously they had to wait before they got married.
No worries, you're not a pedophile, but you are a respectful boy who worries about her and you could tell her it was wrong for her to lie to you, and that you are concerned. If she does like you she'll appreciate such concern and respect.
A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (3 February 2009):
also if you knew she was only 13-15 why talk to her? she is still under the age of consent and in most people's eyes is still classed a young teen or even a child. stop talking to her!
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (3 February 2009):
i just re-read your post...i'm sorry you have not even seen a photo of her yet!!!!!!!
how can you be in a relationship with someone who you have not even seen!
really get over her and find someone who is 100% real. for all you know she could be a guy.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (3 February 2009):
no offence but you are not really in a proper relationship with her. you live 100 of miles away, you probably have never even seen her. if she sent you photos they could be fakes, it's easy to do on the net. also do you really consider a relationship over the internet are real? please! you need to just break it off with her, or just ignore her...after all she lives 100 miles away so it's not like she will be calling or knocking at your door.
then you need to go out with your friends and find girls your own age who you can actually take on dates and maybe have a proper relationship with.
why have an internet "relationship" when you can have the real thing?!?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): You aren't going out with anybody, you are just talking across a computer screen, and no you are not a pedophile. However, 13 is way to young for you to actually meet up and go out on a date with. You would be disappointed as she is a baby really, and I think you just need to tell her you thought she was older and that you are too old for her, sorry, but you won't be taking the steps to meet her in person. Treat her like a kid sister and she will get the message....no need to be rude or hateful, just honest is plenty good enough.
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A
female
reader, YuukiBear  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Well, Honestly... You knew that she was young to begin with. You may not have known the exact age but still... You should have asked her for her age when you first began to chat with her. I am not judging you or anything but still. You should have asked. I dated a 19 year old when I was 14 but we both knew each others ages. We both talked about how our ages could make our relationship difficult and we both knew what could happen to him if he got caught with me. We figured... if we weren't doing anything we shouldn't then he would be fine. Just talk to her, tell her you feel a bit weird about it. You are not a pedophile. You are just confused... That is all. Wish you luck!
~Allana Rose
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): So you knew she was 13-15 yet still kept talking to her? Now you need to put a stop to this. I'm 19 myself and got a 13yr old sister. If I knew someone my age was after her, I be after him. You need to stop talking to her, there's nothing there for you.
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