A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I need a bit of help playing detective to determine if my GF is a bit more promiscuous than she lets on.First off, she did not start having sex till she was 30. I have proof that is true. She is now 40, and claims to have had sex with 4 guys before me, with a few oral sex BF in her 20's. However, she generally has slept with these guys after becoming friends, either at work or through other friends. She knew me for just a few weeks before she first had me over, and we would have gone all the way that first night but I stopped her. So she is pretty agressive sexually. She also has overlapped with these BF's...in some cases significantly. She has mainly male friends, and has admitted to having romantic feelings for all of them at one point or another. One guy she was considering as s sperm donor, since she wants to have kids so bad. He was over her place severla times. A ticket over her place = sex in every example she's given me. She says she only kissed him, but I can't see how you could consider a guy to be a donor without going further. Another guy, who still harasses her occasionally with texts, she said she never touched him, but finally admitted they made out. I'm thinking more happened. Another guy she has been frinds with forever, she has lost her attraction to, but she alludes to a "sympathy" thing when he was in a car accident years ago. She pal'ed around with a group of young guys last summer, and they all defriended her on FB all of a sudden for no reason. A guy friend she had at work, who I know she had an attraction to, all of a sudden stopped talking to her and hasn't since. I saw a saved IM trail on her computer where she had online sexual discussions with an old coworker, set up a date t o meet. When I asked her about it, she originally lied and said a friend of hers was over her place and IM'd with this guy (but I knew it was a lie because it was talk about all the same fantasies, her life, and she used her name ...duh) said they met with the intent to have sex, but both realized it was a crazy idea since tehy didn't even know each other except for in passing at work.All of this stuff happened before I met her, so I really don't care WHAT she did, and I don't interrogate her or ask a lot of quesitons...but I hate seeing and hearing about all these strange so-called friendships where things just don't add up. I don't care whether I know everything or not, but the things I do know...whether she has told me or I found out, don't add up...a LOT of mystery, avoidance, and even lies in some cases. Not sure what to think. Makes it hard to get close sometimes.
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at work, co-worker, oral sex, sexual past, sperm, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (3 July 2010):
sorry if it sounds harsh but you either need to put all that stuff behind you, or you need to leave the relationship. Why on earth did you find so much stuff out about her any way? You sound like you have insecurity issues, this girl is not the one for you and perhaps you need to be with someone who isn't so forward sexually.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): Ok, when I first started reading this I thought "Its none of your business!" but mate, after finishing, GOD! She's probably lying. I'm sorry but this isn't the relationship for you, you sound like a nice guy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 July 2010):
 I think it's probably best to stop trying to figure this out. You're going to need closure on each and every guy and incident and I simply don't think you're going to get it.
Let go as gracefully as possible and move on.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): Oh my God, dude, who cares? Just take her word for it and wrap it up. You'll save your sanity and not be at risk of catching anything she may have contracted during the sexual encounters she isn't telling you about.
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