A
male
age
41-50,
*ku
writes:Hi, I am looking for some advice on this situation. I have been seeing this woman for a month and a half. We have gone on 5 dates so far. I am really interested in pursuing a relationship with this woman, but there are two things that are making me question her interest. (Some background info if you need it, we are both in our early thirties, she has been married before and has two kids. She has been divorced for 1 year. She never dated anyone before her husband, and I am the first since her divorce. I have not met the kids, but I was introduced to her mother.)First, she never initiates contact with me, and it is kind of hard to get a hold of her, we rarely talk more than once a week, outside of our dates. Second, there is no physical contact whatsoever. This includes cuddling, hugging, hand holding, kissing, etc. She has even gone so far as to tell me after the 4th date that she likes me, but doesn't feel like she knows me well enough for any of the physical contact, and to not feel rejected if she stops me when I make a move. So my question is, is she actually interested in me and wants to take it really slowly or am I just getting strung along here? I don't mind waiting for kissing or sex, it usually takes me 2-3 months before I initiate a kiss, and much longer for sex. But I have never been in a dating situation that had zero physical contact for this long, or where the communication initiation was quite so one sided. Please, any insight or guidance would be very much appreciated!
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male
reader, aku +, writes (24 December 2010):
aku is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, thanks to everybody that replied. The advice provided has been helpful, I think I am going to wait things out since I really like this woman. As mentioned originally the complete lack of contact concerned me, but I do think she wants to avoid past mistakes and that is all. To the person who mentioned that she wants to be cautious because she rushed her last relationship, I'm impressed. She feels her ex husband and her rushed into things and that they barely knew each other before getting married, and that this ultimately led to the divorce. ( obviously other factors led to the demise of a 10 year marriage as well)
A
male
reader, aku +, writes (24 December 2010):
aku is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, thanks to everybody that replied. The advice provided has been helpful, I think I am going to wait things out since I really like this woman. As mentioned originally the complete lack of contact concerned me, but I do think she wants to avoid past mistakes and that is all. To the person who mentioned that she wants to be cautious because she rushed her last relationship, I'm impressed. She feels her ex husband and her rushed into things and that they barely knew each other before getting married, and that this ultimately led to the divorce. ( obviously other factors led to the demise of a 10 year marriage as well)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): It's very early days yet and she sounds the kind of woman who likes to let the man do the chasing. Also, she has kids to occupy her so maybe less time than you. I suggest you take it slowly, as she doesn't want to rush into anything and would like to get to know you properly first. She's not been one for dating a lot, so this will be a big thing for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): She has only been divorced for a year. To you that may sound like a long time but it really isn't. You are the first guy she has dated since her divorce so i'm guessing it's going to take her some time to start over.
She might be feeling a bit more cautious this time because she obviously doesn't want to rush things and end up going through another break up. Maybe she rushed her last relationship or is trying to do things differently this time after this divorce.
She's been honest and told you she doesn't feel like she knows you enough to have a physical relationship yet and i don't blame her. In a way it's a good thing because you don't want to be the re-bound guy.
I think you're going to have to be patient if you really like her and don't push her too much to be physical with you. If you think the communication is one sided then talk to her about it. She's a single mum so she's going to be busy a lot.
If after you've told her how you feel and things still don't change then i would think very carefully if dating her is going to work because she might just not be ready.
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