A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so here is the deal I will try to make it short. I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years about a year ago August...it was a really rough year for me...I dated some girls casually between but nothing I was intrested in...April came around and I started hanging out with this girl I use to date way back in grade school...we hadn't seen eachother in years and she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years so we went out to a bar with some friends to catch up...her and I hit it off and towards the end of the night..she said she was happy to see me and said she wanted to hang out more..so we started hanging out a couple times a week just the two of us...we would go out to eat a lot..I always offered to take her out I enjoy going out. I started to have feelings for her but wasn't sure how to tell her. She has a lot of guy friends and I didn't know where I was in that area to her..so one night in may I think we went out for dinner and then to a bar after..we had some drinks and hung out with some of her friends...guys were all over her...I stayed cool and collected just chillen cuz I use to deal with all that so flirting doesn't bother me...one of her guy friends drove us back to her house and left..then I was going to sleep on the couch and she started kissing me..it turned into a 2 hour ordeal of passionate kissing and feeling...I hadn't felt this way in almost a year..we didn't have sex because we both decided we shouldn't yet I believe if you truly want something you wait until the time is right..I told her how I felt about her and she told me I was the only guy out of the ones she knew that she was attracted too! I was pretty excited..so I left the next day and she didn't talk to me for a couple days but thats fine..so we kept hanging out and I told her I thought we should casually date and see where it went from there...she said she didn't know if she wanted a boyfriend then and said We'll see..so I was cool about it I understood her situation I was kinda the same way..we kept hanging out and now we kiss almost everytime we hang out...but after we chill she won't talk to me for days on end I always end up having to call or text her and ask if she wants to hang out with me she never asks me...I have confronted her about it and she says well do you ever fail when talking to me or asking me to do something...which I don't..to end it up a couple weeks ago she told me she does like me she is just having fun in life right now...again I understand totally...I just can't help how I feel about this girl...she makes me happy..she is not a rebound..she has a huge passion for music and that is my life...I am different from the guys she has dated becuase of my style and way I go about things but I think we could work..I never jump ahead of myself but I could see myself falling for her...my question is what do I do in this situation??..I really really like her..I think about her non stop...my exgirlfriend never even pops in my head anymore..how do I go about this thing?? is she just waiting until she feels the time is right to have something with me....is she avoiding me because she is afraid there is something there and she isn't ready? or is she just not interested...any help??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2009): She isn't ready. I am in the exact same situation as you mate, except the majority of her bf's have cheated on her including her last 1 that she broke up with about 4 months ago. She fell for him and they had been going out for bout 8 months and were apparently going to get married and everything. And yes she only texts me if I text her we've only hung out twice so far and its like everything is great holding her hand arm around her and what not but it's like the next day after the night is over it's like she's holding back. I believe she's afraid of being hurt and needs time to heal. Her self esteem is a bit low at the moment, and she's got a bit of a negative outlook on life and thinks the worst of things and not the good(suffers just a little depression). The best thing you can do to speed things up a little is: show her that you care. Always be there for her. Tell her how she is different from other girls. This is a biggy.. always be positive no matter what the situation. Can you make her laugh? Don't do jokes. Tell a funny story about how you got on the piss and couldn't find your way home or something like that. Imitate how the guy you work with walks or something stuff like that. You need to make her laugh hard!! Also without telling her.. show her that you would never cheat on her.. even if your not going out with her yet. Any man can say to her I won't cheat on you blah blah blah and that's all she's gonna take it as blah blah blah. Nothing beats seen proof. Seeing is believing so if your at the bar and some random chick starts getting all over you pay no attention. Simply walk away from the random and over to her and put your arm round her. Just don't text her everyday. Twice or 3 times a week is plenty. Be positive all the time so she can see it radiating brilliantly within you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): Patience...all good things come in time. I don't think she's playing you or whatever.
She's probly truly not ready and wants to enjoy herself for a while. So do the same.
And when its time..you will know.
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A
female
reader, slen  +, writes (5 September 2009):
 that's a tough one.... my thoughts i was sorta in a thing like this friends with benefits... this may not be the case but wen it was me i loved hanging out wit this guy, had so much fun but i never wanted to commit to him but i was happy having fun days/nights out and really enjoyed his company i never slept wit him, jus kisses n cuddles there was never going to be a relationship it was just good company to be honest.
hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, KendraAndel  +, writes (4 September 2009):
Hi!This is a tough one. The first thing I noticed, is that you mentioned she just broke up with her bf of 2 years when you first went out for drinks. Two years is a long time time to be in a relationship. From what I can take out of the situation is that she is simply not ready for a full on relationship.Also you mention that she did say this to you. The way she is acting suggests this too- the fact she never contacts YOU makes me feel like she views this as casual.You want to get serious, although she isn't ready. It is a dangerous place to be- both of you could get hurt so easily. The best thing to do would be tell her how you feel- that you appreciate she may not be ready, but you don't want to be strung along and have your feelings hurt.If she wants casual, you have to ask yourself if you could handle it- and if you can't then walk away. You sound like a nice guy, it wouldn't be wise to keep being lead on without it going anywhere. Hope this helps. =)Personally, I think sitting her down and talking it through may help. Explain what you want from her, tell her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): i think that shes just playing it cool maybe shes been hurt in the past and doesent want to jump in to a new relationship i think she may be enjoying this stage of your freindship the start of a relationship is fun and exiting i think that when shes ready you will know xxxxx
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