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Is she just using me for fun?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi all. There's a girl I know who I've been strong friends with for a while. We fell out of touch for a couple of months after she quit uni, due to depression and work. But a few days ago we met up for some drinks, and by the end of the evening we were kissing in a corner somewhere.

From what she's said, she is (at least physically) attracted to me. I usually only attract women I can't stand, so to attract a girl who I not only get along perfectly with but also really like is really a first.

But I don't know how serious any of it was. She has a boyfriend, so she probably isn't on the prowl anyway (in my experience, all girls over the age of 18 never freaking leave their goddamn relationships). She was also drunk, had recently been depressed, is naturally flirty, has a history of naughty behavoir, and even she'll agree her boyfriend's not the best looking guy around. On the other hand she was ballsy enough to do it in the place both she and her boyfriend used to work in and spoke candidly with me about her sexual interests while she was still mostly-sober.

Is she interested and just let her guard down? Or was it just her having some fun?

View related questions: depressed, drunk, flirt, has a boyfriend, kissing, my ex, she has a boyfriend

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008):

Red1982 said: "Depressed people often look for validation through the attention of the opposite sex, because they have no self confidence so that was propbably what it was, to prove that she is attractive to other people. You probably won't be the last person this happens with either."

Yeah, I agree completely. If you think that you will get attached to her, then leave her alone right now, before you get hurt. If you just want to have some fun, then go for it the next time. However, that can be a bit risky since she currently has a boyfriend. Might end up as a big fight. You also wouldn't want to hurt her by just using her. Probably best left alone.

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A female reader, red1982 United Kingdom +, writes (15 February 2008):

Could you pelase re-read you question for me, pretend that I asked it and try to tell me the good points about wanting a relationship with this person??

You state that she has a boyfriend that she is quite happy to cheat on (I'm assuming the 'naughty behaviour' is cheating as well) in a place that she knows he will hear about it, obviously not caring about the fact that she has just humiliated him in front of the people he used to work with. Whether he is good looking or not is beside the point if she is in a relationship with him she should stay faithful!!

Depressed people often look for validation through the attention of the opposite sex, because they have no self confidence so that was propbably what it was, to prove that she is attractive to other people. You probably won't be the last person this happens with either.

I think that you should leave her alone, to try to work out what is going on in her head.

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