A
female
age
,
*izziejill
writes:Dear CupidI am a lesbian and there is a girl I like very much who works in our local pub. We have got to know each other quite well over the last several months. She always smiles and seems happy to see me, laughs at my jokes and recently for my birthday she gave me a card and a present of two drinks on the bar tab, this is as well as buying me drinks when she is not working behind the bar. For my birthday as well she sent me a text on my phone and a message on facebook. ONe night she was working and I was the only one left in the bar and I started to hurry to finish my drink ans she said you dont have to finish in a hurry, I can give you a lift home. when she finished work we had another drink and she did give me a lift home. She has gone away on holiday for a week and asked me to feed her cat, even though she has two friends who live in the same road as her. I dont know if she knows I am gay, although I wear rainbow jewellery. I know she is not in a relationship, seems mainly to hang out with other women and likes rugby (watching). Another friend of mine who has seen her says she cant tell for the first time in her life if a woman is gay or not. I dont know if she is and in the closet. Do you think she likes me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (15 August 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA few weeks ago, the barmaid that I like posted some photos of her standing next to a tree (quite a few photos)and I posted a remark" I want to be a tree",which came from an advert in the UK on telly some years ago for an insurance company. She removed me as a friend from facebook and said she did not like the smutty remark. I tried to tell her it was NOT meant that way,and I am now embarrassed that she took it that way. She has made no contact with me and I dont go into the pub at the moment. I am just horrified she took it the way she did. I do miss her company. I still dont know if she is harbouring feelings that she cant admit to herself. What should I do.
A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (27 June 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf someone knows you are gay and you have a crush on them, if they are not gay, why do they carry on flirting with you. I would not flirt with a man and lead him on, although I may enjoy the attention but I would at least tell him Im not interested after a while.
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A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (27 June 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA week after I had blurted out that I was mad about this girl, she told another work colleague that she was going to send me an email wishing me luck for a job I was about to start. She had been told by her work colleague and a friend of mine that I was gay and had a crush on her, but she still flirted with me and both other people who knew seemed to think she was leading me on a bit. I emailed her back saying how sorry I was for saying this, that you cant help who you fall in love with, and I guess she was the unlucky one and I was miserable that I had caused her upset. She emailed back saying she was sad I had been miserable. We are friends again now, and I told her I know now where I stand, she said she isnt that way inclined but she still flirts with me a bit. Do you think she might possibly like me and be in the closet- I have only come out very recently, you cant fight it forever, or am I just clutching at straws.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): lets start it off im not gay but i love a girl and just like you i am unshure if she likes me. just ask but in a comfortable way and if not just be friends. also if you want to next christmas set up mistletow and kiss her then tell her the present is in your room. goodluck
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A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (6 May 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe seems pretty angry but she told me she knew I was gay some weeks ago but didnt believe it but she was still "hitting" on me, which several of my friends did notice. Why did she do that if she knew I was gay, she has not actually said "Im not gay" so maybe I hit a nerve, and it was not what I said but the way it came out in public. She has been on facebook saying she has had a big reality check, a real eyeopener. I think she may be talking about what I said.
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A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (1 May 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYesterday she was working most of the day and because of this I stayed longer than I should have and got quite drunk and told a friend I was mad about her and she heard and sent me a message on facebook saying what the hell was I doing telling people this and someone had told her I was gay a few weeks ago but she didnt believe them and she saw me as a friend and nothing more and nowp perhaps we cant even be friends. I sent her a message back apologising, saying I have a lot of issues about being gay and you cant help who you fall in love with and she was the unlucky one and its tearing me apart. I hope its only the embarrassement of her hearing me in front of other people and not what I actually said and that she may calm down about this. If she knew I am gay, she must have seen some of the signs I was sending and could back down, but i dont think she did (perhaps she liked the attention)even if it is from another woman.
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A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (23 April 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToday, I went on line on facebook and she was on line but I didnt get in contact. Dont want to look like im stalking her. She later sent me a message saying she had missed me online and what was I up to. I told her and later she told me when she is working over the week end, and that we would have to meet up next week and have a drink in the garden. It may just be a casual "friends having a drink" but its the first time she has suggested we have a drink together, albeit in my local and where she works, but in the garden (possibly to have a quiet conversation)!! Just the two of us.
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A
female
reader, Lizziejill +, writes (20 April 2010):
Lizziejill is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA few days ago, I posted a message on facebook saying nobody loved me. A couple of cousins said they did, and the lady I like also said she did. She said she absolutley loves my company, I make her laugh and have a wicked sense of humour. She helped a friend of hers (good female friend)out a couple of days ago and her friend said on FB thanks for helping her, but it was just an excuse for her to see her in uniform. The lady I like always replies to my comments on FB. Does this sound good! Thanks to the people that have replied to my question so far. Hopefully more replies to this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): All those activities seem like what a normal friend would do. Can't really tell if she like you that way from what you have said. Try what the anon female said below and casually mention something about a girl, or try flirting with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): does she like you...yes! as more than a friend...who knows!!
Basically, its simple......your not sure if she knows you are gay....and you need to find out!!
when you have a drink in the bar next and get to talking, try and steer the conversation around to relationships. casually mention something about a girl you have been attracted to or casually mention something about a past girlfriend, anything like that and see how she reacts. then you could always ask her about her previous relationships, very casually so it just seems like normal conversation. then hopefully she will mention something that will give you a clue about her sexuality.
or, if your feeling brave, you could just ask her out!! ask if she wants to go see a movie with you, go for a drink, dinner...anything!
either way, you have to find out. you cannot be a true friend to her while you are secretly wishing for more, especially when she doesnt know your true feelings.
good luck, i really hope she likes you back!! write again and let us know how you get on. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Well, you like her. So you can't REALLY just be friends unless you're strong enough to stop thinking of her in that way. The best thing to do is talk to her about it. I have learned there's no sense wondering all the time when you can know the answer if you just open your mouth. If she isn't interested, it's very important that you take some time away from her so she isn't weirded out and so you can get over her. If she cares about you, she will understand. And when you reenter her life, you need to OWN the situation. Don't tip-toe around the subject of the conversation you had, talk and laugh about it.If she IS interested, then you'll be right where you want to be! Good luck!
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