A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife started cheating on me 6 years ago. Although she claims it was a 1 time thing, I think she will cheat when she has the right opportunity. I was again suspicious of her behavior and saw her cell phone unattended so I went thru all the numbers and text messages and found some very suspicious text messages. I confronted her about this guy who sent her at least 10 texts, one asking what time she will get out of work and one telling her to meet him at a specific time. My wife became very angry that I went thru her phone. She refused to speak to me for a week. She claims I invaded her privacy. I said you must have something to hide if your that angry about it. She denied that and said I have no idea what those messages were about. They do work at the same place, but not together. It all seems like she is hiding something, like an affair?
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male
reader, Straight Up1  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 I think you did the right thing in checking her phone if you have suspicions about her being faithful!!
Her anger towards you "invading her privacy" is just the cover up to being caught doing something wrong!!
People when backed into a corner either crack under the pressure of come out on the offensive.... in which I think she has.
She is obviously doing something questionable.... so deal with it on that level... or lay quiet in the shadows.... wait for her to have some plans on a given night....wish her the best time...and check up to see what those plans are.... either yourself....or hire an investigator for this... guess it depends on how badly you want to know the truth... and what you would do if you knew the truth.
If you would stay with her anyways... don't break your own heart trying to find out!!
Best of luck!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Obviously there is problem with the marriage. Maybe it is time to talk honestly about all the issues that is bothering both of you and if they cannot be resolved even after going for marriage counselling and there is no young children involve then go your own ways. Your wife is almost definitely having an affair or close to it and if she wants to do that then may as well let her go and find happiness and you are still young enough to find someone for yourself. Dialogue may end the marriage but at least hopefully it will end amicably rather than acrimoniously.
I do have a bone to pick with people who says you shouldn't have gone through her phone, for them I would like to ask how else will the wrong partner find out?????? The cheater is obviously not going to tell, that is how they behave so it is like saying trust me and I won't tell you. Where is the fairness, level playing field?? If his wife wants to have affair, then tell him, so that he can make a conscious choice to find someone himself or stay with her and try to win her back. To anon aunty, you cannot have your cake and eat it and says 'trust me'!!!
If the messages were nothing, then why didn't she bring it up when they first appeared then talk to her husband and reassure him that the other guy is just a friend.
I have seen many couples stay together even though the love is no longer there and often ask why don't they separate and live a much more fruitful life. I think it is probably quite scary to go into the unknown at your age, secondly the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, thirdly all the upheaval of material things, friends, environment, the bad feeling of failure etc. But to hold on to someone who no longer wish to be near you is equally sad. If you love someone truly then it is not wrong to let them be happy.
I sincerely hope she will talk to you and honestly say it was just flattery that she felt and it was nice but that is all there is to it and from now on she will confide in you as she wants to save the marriage because she still loves you.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): firstly you should not of searched her phone,secondly how can you rebuild your relationship if you wont put the past behind you and atleast try and trust her,thirdly if you carry on with your accusations and suspicions your going to drive her into the arms of another man,not for sex but for support,if you got issues talk to her before you lose her over some txt messages that could actualy be innocent,but look suspicious.
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