A
male
age
,
*bw
writes:Over the last several months. My wife of 20 years has been spending hours in chat rooms and online.I finially approached her as to why. She stated that she is not the same person anymore.She is confused and not sure why she is married.Our last chid is finding herself and has aboy friend so my wife has lost a big part of her life. She homed schooled are daughter for 12 years. They are very close.She says it just her. But I love her and cant just give up.She has been having Hot Flashes and seems distent and confused. She wont see a doctor and i just dont know what to do. SOme folks say menopause but she say no. I am afraid of running her off if i respond in the wrong way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
She very well could be starting the menopause the hot flushes are a sign hunny, She may feel unatractive with the feelings she is getting this may be why she is on these sites to try and boost her confidence and the confussion is also a sign of loss, So the children leaving expecially your daughter could have completely thrown her, making her feel all sorts of emotions that and if it is the starting of the menopause will be very confussing. You should try and get her to see a doctor I no you say she wont go, You could put it to her that you both could do with a check up so she doesnt think its only her and get more worried love thats just a thought. I no my mum went through an awfull time when this happened to her, Now the children have gone and you have time for yourselves she may benifit from a holiday to let her hair down and have a good time with lots of fun this is another opption love, You are a very caring husband and I hope you sort things out soon and your wife feels better very soon to. With love and prayers mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Yes it sounds like what is called the "menopause." Be very careful with this term, it means many things to many people. Don't think of it as a medical condition. Don't think of it as temporary. Be aware that many long term relationships go wrong at this stage and this age. There isn't much you can do. The source goes back years. The fact is a marriage is over when one decides it is over or behaves unacceptably. Your marriage might be OK - just a little shaky. See what happens. Don't do anyhting on your side to harm the marriage.
This is the best advice I can give you: You are a mature adult. She is a mature adult. You both make choices for yourselves. Don't try and make other peoples choices for them. Advise your partner what is unacceptable behaviour. Advise your partner of the consequences of unacceptable behaviour. Don't do revenge acts. But let her make her own choices. Respect her choices. You might not agree with them, but they are hers, not yours. Equally, tell her to respect your choices. Maintain your independence. Maintain your dignity.
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A
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): It is a difficult time for a woman when her children fly the nest. Maybe you could try, if you haven't already, telling you love her and hate to see her feeling sad. Maybe also you could suggest an outing or holiday if you can afford it, something that is fun.
It does sound like she has started the menopause. There are herbal remedies if she is willing to try them rather than go to the doctor. Would she be prepared to go to counselling?
Good luck. You sound very caring.
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