A
male
age
41-50,
*eartbroken in love
writes:Im trying to figure out what to do here. I have known this girl for just over 3 years now. We met online originally but have built quite a friendship and have been together in person many times now. I have fallen for her. Before meeting her in person I fell for her and told her all about this. She was heart broken over this one guy and I was there to help her through it. She had told me at that point that when she got over this guy I would be the guy she wanted to be with. This is before we met. That was xmas time in 2008. She then basically dumped me and proceeded to tell me she didn't want all that. I have 10 years on her (now I know the age plays a part to some but really I want people to assess the situation). She is currently in college. Well she went to a different college for a semester where she then met this guy. Long story short she is really attracted to this guy though he has a GF. This was in 2009 right after xmas. I stuck around even though she started talking about this guy. It tore me apart since she had just gotten done telling me she didn't want all that stuff. She proceeded to go after this guy though he has a GF and made it clear he wasn't about to break up with her. They end up sleeping together and this is all going on behind his GF back. This is going on pretty much all last year and it really did a lot of damage to my overall outlook on not just this girl but relationships as a whole. It was a tough year and I thought many times about walking out on her life. Now its 2010 and she is done with this guy and now says I am the only guy finally. We have not slept together and she says shes not ready for that again. That part is fine with me. I also know she was obviosly very attracted to this guy though he turned out to be a jerk. I got to know most of the details of her being with this guy including her sexual experience with him. Apparently it was great for her and she was able to be very pleased with him in that way. I realize I am not the most attractive guy out there but certainly not bad looking. I am having a problem coming to terms with the fact that it seems she may not really be that attracted to me. She does not want the same things she had with him with me. If that ever happens between us I get the impression that it would just be a sacrifice for her. I can tell if a girl is attracted to me or not and I don't seem to get that vibe from her though she claims im the only guy she wants. My question is am I making something out of nothing here? Should it concern me that knowing how she is when she is attracted to someone that she is not that way with me. She seems to value the way I treat her but I want to be with someone who is attracted to me. What does everyone think of this?
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female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Have you tried talking to her about the way you feel? I dont know if expressing your feelings comes easy to you but you say that you've known her for some time now. I'm sure if you just asked her how she feels about you she would give you a straight answer. It might not be the answer you want but it will be coming from her. Just make sure that she agrees to be totally honest with you. If she doesn't give you the answer that you want you can move on and stop dwelling on something that won't ever be. And If she gives you what you want well then you've got it made!
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