A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After a magical 4 yr relationship my ex dumped me just before Christmas. We had a rough year of fighting bc her ex took the kids away and there was a lot of stress and court appts. I was stressed bc I started a new job. She talked about marrying me for three yrs. she broke up with me a few weeks after all the custody stuff started. I proposed to her (finally) the same week she took me back. I was trying to show her she wasn't going to go through that crap by herself. She said it was desperation and turned me down.We continued to discuss marriage while I stood by her side during the custody battle. We even discussed it the week before she dumped me. She told me she hadn't felt in love with me for a while, it shouldn't be this hard, and she was comfortable with the decision she made "right now, but that could change". She has the kids back now but has not communicated with me at all. The break up was a shocker bc we have that magical once in a lifetime love and have both felt it since the first kiss. After back surgery I woke up the instant she walked up to my bed. I reached up and kissed her! Is she really done or just getting reacclimated with her kids? She was without them for 7 months.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 January 2014):
 There's really no telling if it's too late or not. It just depends on if she's emotionally over you or not.
If there were problems in the relationship, why did you refuse counseling in the first place? Why only make changes now, after you lost her, than during the times you had her?
I hope it's not too late and she will reconsider. But there's no guarantee. she may have moved on emotionally. And once that happens, sometimes there's nothing you can do to change it. Your counseling may have come too late.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2014): she might change her mind, just the timing is not right now. Be around but just give her space and time hopefully she will get back to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2014): Also, I told her in a text after the break up I am going to the counseling she asked me to attend to work on some stuff she asked me to work on. I LEFT THIS PART OUT OF MY INITIAL POST. I also told her I would attend couples therapy, which I didn't want to before either. Too little too late or will it resonate with her after she settles back in with the kids? How can someone quit on love? Especially one as rare as ours?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 January 2014):
 It sounds like she's done.
She has too much going on to be able to commit to another relationship. She finally has her children back so she'll want some down time with them, but she'll also have visitation with the ex to deal with and more court battles ahead of her.
It's crummy to be blindsided like this, especially right before Christmas, but I wouldn't wait around for her.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 January 2014):
I'm afraid to say it sounds like she's done. it sounds like her feelings for you have changed. She said no to the proposal because she isn't feeling the same and didn't want to commit to you unless her feelings returned. She realized her feelings didn't return and she moved on.
I'm sorry. I know this is hard. Try to keep yourself occupied and busy. hang out with friends and family. Good luck.
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