A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for two years, she's had two previous relationships and a one night stand. I don't really care about the relationships, but the one night stand really bugs me, I keep imaging it in my head and think about it constantly. I believe this is what is called retroactive jealousy. I have only had one previous relationship, and I keep wondering if my retroactive jealousy has something to do with my limited sexual experience, either that I somehow do not realize how meaningless a ONS is because I've never had one, or because I feel I haven't lived life to it's fullest, or that I'm somehow insecure because of my lack of experience.Does anyone else have any experience with this? Does retroactive jealousy only happen to people with limited sexual experience? Will having sex with other people cure this? (theoretically speaking ofc, I would never cheat on my wife :) )
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insecure, jealous, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): its a natural feeling. best thing to do is to think about her in terms of an open relationship, and then you may or may not act on that. sex is difficult to get for men, so even if you flirt lots it will be difficult to actually get a girl in bed. this way of thinking will make you free, and will make you appreciate the fact that you get sex from her more. use what you learn when flirting with other girls and flirt with your woman as well. will make her happy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Be aware that there are two kinds of people when it comes to retroactive jealousy. Some who understand it and some who don't. There isn't really any middle ground on this.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Retroactive jealousy doesn't just happen to people with limited sexual experience... I've seen people post on here in which guys has been with 20+ partners and their partner only 2 or 3, yet they were still affected by RJ.
Having sex with other people won't cure this, because its not about you directly... its about how you think of your partner. The two relationships she had don't bother you because having sex in a relationship is normal, it doesn't bring down her standing- as far as society is concerned. Whereas one night stands as a woman aren't looked upon all that highly by society... yet.
Now as a guy, pretty much all guys who are looking for a wife want a girl who they can be proud of and show off to everybody. Nobody wants to parade around the village bicycle while snickers. Now having a one night stand certainly doesn't make a woman a "slut", but its something that some guys are more sensitive to than others.
Everybody has their own rough hypothetical idea about how many one night stands would make somebody promiscuous in their eyes. See its not the one night stand itself that bothers you... its the way that it changes the way you perceive her value, both to you and society. I could go into all the biological evolutionary aspects behind this, but point is- realize that its natural to feel these feelings and no, I don't believe sex with others will help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): "Will having sex with other people cure this"
Be careful. This line of thinking could eat at you subconciously until you conciously act out on it.
Assuming you knew all of this before you married her, this was something you should have already come to terms with, and accepted as part of her past, which has absolutely nothing to do with your futures together, nor how she feels about you. I think you are overanalyzing this way too much. Quite obviously your marriage trumps the ONS (and any other relationship)or else you wouldnt be the one married to her.
"I keep wondering if my retroactive jealousy has something to do with" :
- my limited sexual experience....
For your age brackets, it would appear that she as well has limited sexual experience. Most people have far more relationships (whether long term, FWB, ONS) by the time they reach that age.
-I somehow do not realize how meaningless a ONS is because I've never had one....
I think you may be on to something here. MEANINGLESS being the key word.
- because I feel I haven't lived life to it's fullest....
Because you didnt have MEANINGLESS sex with a stranger?
-I'm somehow insecure because of my lack of experience...
I think you are putting entirely way too much emphasis on your "lack of experience". You have been married for 2 years. I would say that you probably have more experience than you think you do.
Please try to get a grip on this. If you continue to obsess over it, perhaps you might get to the point where you had one previous relationship and one previous marriage.
Then would you feel satisfied that you had a little more "experience?"
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