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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have never had casual sex in my life. Am I missing something?I have had relationship sex, which has been very satisfying for me, and just seems to get better.I am asking for everyone to weigh in. Is relationship sex better than casual sex? Or not? What is the difference? If you had to put one up against the other, which would you choose?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2021): I just don't understand how anyone would want to be used by another person for purely physical animalistic gratification. It does not float my boat. It never did. Never will. I find that for me EMOTIONS are the driving force to passionate sex. If I feel SAFE, BONDED, HAVE FEELINGS and am VULNERABLE with you, then you are going to get the best sex of your life with me. I will be totally into you, uninhibited, willing to experiment, and completely in the moment. But I cannot reach that level with a stranger or casual fuck buddy. Feelings are the glue to great sex and nobody will ever tell me otherwise. It cannot be MEANINGLESS or a MEANINGLESS FUCK. In that case, I would rather use my own hand or sex toys. Why bother using a person you don't know as a masturbation toy? Why even set yourself up to have a FWB whom you MIGHT start to have FEELINGS for yet they REJECT YOU or go around fucking other people at the same time? Even if they say they are being exclusive? How could you trust such a person? If they are capable of fucking anyone without any attachment, why would you want to fuck them knowing you could be part of their harem, AND risk catching diseases?Human beings have emotions. They are built for connection and attachment. I feel that having casual sex goes against our very nature. I see casual sex as promiscuity and that cheapens sex and it cheapens the people who do it. But those are just my high moral standards. Sex is meant to create children between men and women. Therefore they need to bond and have feelings for each other, including loyalty and exclusivity in order to raise families. That is just fact. But sex becomes devalued when people have it for self gratification ONLY. Just how I see it. And when they do have it for casual reasons, it is all to do with problems they have within themselves and problems with their own psyche. Therefore sex becomes a coping mechanism, a crutch, an escape....even an ADDICTION. And in such circumstances, it becomes destructive, not only to the person using it to self medicate but to others who might love them but they mislead them by cheating behind their backs. People use sex as a weapon. It hurts others when they cheat and lie and pretend to be as moral as you are but fuck recreationally without telling you. Those people who want to FUCK CASUALLY OR RECREATIONALLY NEED TO REMAIN SINGLE OR GO WITH LIKE MINDED PARTNERS. Never mislead or use a person who loves you and wants to have sex with you in a relationship if you cannot be loyal. How many women seek acceptance by men through sex? They are insecure and have low self worth and feel they are important or like some sex goddess the more men they fuck. I can imagine how empty that would become. Every guy you fuck would only LOWER your self worth in time as you begin to see that sex is not the answer. There is something MISSING inside you. I just think it is so easy to get it, so easily and readily available that in no longer means anything to people. It is so easily abused and so are people. And for every insecure, desperate or vulnerable women is an opportunistic man preying on them, ready to score. Like fucking as many women as possible makes a man a man. Bullshit. It makes him a womanizer. A weak one at that. Sex is not a beautiful thing. It ends up being used to hurt and blindside people. In a committed relationship, it is much more unlikely you will be hurt, used, abused or catch diseases. I truly think those who have casual sex are risk takers and perhaps even deviants. If you are in a relationship and want to fuck others, get out of that relationship. Period. You need to be with someone who is LIKE MINDED. A man or woman who shares your values and morals and you are on the same page or you will never be compatible.Here is the problem these days. People view sex very callously. As an ACT and not as a bonding experience between two people. And it is meant to be something special and that in my opinion can only happen when two people are in a committed relationship which evolves over time into even better sex. I liken it to a symphony orchestra where are all the instruments and layers of the orchestra and are in synch, to the point of a symphonic masterpiece. Casual sex is just playing one instrument and it is over. No layers. No orchestra. Just one instrument, which can't reach the depth of greatness because the two people involved will get sick and tired of each other because there is only so much MECHANICAL SEX you can have before moving on. But in a relationship there are feelings and intense passion which drive the LONGEVITY of great sex to greater levels and depths. Feelings are the glue which drive the passion, which creates the masterpiece. My bf and I are a living example. We get better and better over the years and we even stun ourselves. So, you can definitely have thrilling sex in long term relationships. That is because of our feelings for each other. The passion is out of the park. There is something to be said about getting better with someone you know in the context of a relationship. You can relax, truly be yourself, and let go and enjoy the experience on all levels. Doing this without being worried about... PERFORMING, without being SELFISH, without being WORRIED ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, without being worried about KEEPING YOUR LOVER INTERESTED ENOUGH NOT TO TAKE ON ADDITIONAL LOVERS, without worrying ABOUT BEING BORING, without being worried about USING UP YOUR BAG OF TRICKS, without being worried about catching an STD or AIDS, without being worried about an accidental pregnancy with some guy who isn't relationship material, without being worried about being replaced.... etc. There is a freedom to relationship sex and that feeling of COMFORT also drives great sex. A thrill lasts a minute with a stranger or a few minutes with a FWB (until it is time for a new one) but I would rather the thrill lasts a lifetime with my committed partner. Why settle for casual when you can have the total package with a committed relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): Relationship sex is of course safer. If you and your partner communicate and are enjoying each other I would say you have your answer. My young self enjoyed all sexual experiences, now in my 50s my woman takes care of me as I do for her. But that idea of something different always lingers. We have had taboo experiences in the past, I’m starting to miss the wild days a little. Just be yourself and do what is right for you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): Back in the 70's having a sex buddy was a lot more suitable. STD risk was low, inexpensive birth control. Every single in their 20's seemed to have one or two. There was no 'slut shaming' like there is now. One nighters were usually taboo.
My one one nighter was not good. The sex was great, a terribly handsome guy I had to have after a couple drinks. Afterwords I felt like he'd do anyone and he felt the same way about me. I had my share of FWB, most I knew a long time, safe guys to fuck thing. One I went to first grade with.
Be safe. Don't drink and f***
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2021): That's as personal and unique as fingerprints. You know your own heart, passions, and set your own expectations. Everyone has their own particular needs and desires; and charter their own roadmap to get there.
Sex is supposed to be a physical expression of love and affection. God designed it for a husband and wife for pleasure, and procreation. Human nature, selfishness, and our cultural attitudes and beliefs have changed that to suit ourselves; and includes a multitude of perspectives.
We've created our own set of rules about sex; and that now encompasses deviant behavior, fetishes, promiscuity, rape, beastiality, pedophilia, and addictive-behaviors. Almost anything goes for some people; so you can't say which is better, because that will largely depend on whom you ask.
It boils down to what's best for you as an individual; which means you should pair-off only with someone who shares your own principles, values, and attitude towards sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2021): Hi
Lots of different angles to take on this question.
It all depends on who your having sex with really, and how hot you feel about that person, could just be once but amazingly passionate. Casual can turn serious, serious can turn casual.
Casual sex can be shallow but a love relationship can be mind blowing and full of passion but could also be disappointing.
Not good to have casual sex on the health front and only satisfies the moment. Relationships are more intense.
All depends what flicks your switch.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2021):
 This is a question I can't answer.
Because I CHOSE to keep sex with partners I was committed to who ALSO was committed to me.
That doesn't mean I can't add my 2 Cents here.
I think the difference is that IN a relationship you get to KNOW your partner better, his/her body, likes/dislikes, sense of adventure, limitations, health, sexual history. I think that HELPS to make it better for BOTH parties.
Would I want casual sex? No. If my marriage ended, I would no be "out there" messing about with a bunch of men. I'd probably take a NICE long time to JUST be me again and not even bother.
I know in this day and age, sex means less. It's all about instant gratifications and ego strokes.
Let's face it, the more partners you have the more likely it is that you get an STD/STI. Some which can be crippling for a person's health later on, like Chlamydia that can (if not treated) render a woman infertile. Or Hepatitis C can be a can be a lifelong infection if left untreated. Or HPV that CAN cause penile or cervical cancers.
Not really something I'd want to gamble on.
And then of course you have no idea who the PERSON is if it's casual. He might be violent. He might be a bad lover or a selfish one - because WHY should he care about YOUR satisfaction? He might be married, have a GF, use you for goodness know what, or rob you.
Is some sexual pleasure worth the risks?
I don't think so.
But you DO you. And I will live and love as I see fit.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (12 May 2021):
 Obviously the answers that you are going to receive are going to be very varied, and will boil down to personal opinion.
I think that that sex in a relationship, or with someone you love or care for carries with it the weight of a strong emotional attachment, feelings, and a want to make this person happy.
Casual sex is meaningless, often emanating from a place of lust which is short lived, and no emotional attachment is involved, and is often with someone you don't know.
In my opinion sex in a relationship is not only safer, but also more satisfying.
No i don't think your missing something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2021): I think it depends on what type of person you are. I’ve had casual sex once when I was much younger. For me it was a complete mess. It was a guy I wasn’t even attracted to at first and we had nothing in common. After we slept together I caught feelings for him. He turned me down for a relationship and I ended up really hurt. We weren’t even compatible in the slightest. I now look back and wonder what I was thinking?After that, I realised I am not a person who can separate sex and feelings. Was it satisfying? Briefly for the few hours we were together. But then after I felt horrible. Upset he didn’t want more from me, anxious he would find someone else. I was an emotional mess. It took me a while to be able to let him go. I made a vow that day that I would never put myself in that situation again. Relationship sex is so much more satisfying to me as there is love and trust there. You feel great during and great after. There’s no blurred lines or anxiety/sadness or feeling you aren’t good enough. Some people can separate feelings from sex, these people may enjoy casual sex more. But there is also the risk of STIs which to me just doesn’t seem worth it at all. So for me, relationship sex is so much better then casual sex. It takes a lot more work to keep relationship sex fun and exciting. But the closeness, love, trust, emotional connection make it so much better. I’d prefer not to have sex with a stranger and feel good at the time but empty after.
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